A-Changin With the Times

I saw Declan suddenly drawn to the bright flashing lights and music on the television.

I scooted in behind him and placed his brand-new SpongeBob backpack across the front of his body.

I crept to the corner of the room and perched awkwardly on the stool.

I prepared my camera and looked to staring Declan.

“MEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OWWWWWWWWWW,” I shrieked in the most heinous voice I could muster.

Declan looked to me and smiled.

Click!

I captured the moment.  In a way I thought might gain Declan’s always floating attention and gaze.

It was Declan’s first day of preschool.

This image popped up in my Facebook memories from five years ago and made me take a step back.  Or a look closer.

Or maybe just a look inward.

How have things changed.

When I took the photo, I was at a very low point in my life.

BACK THEN

It was a time of new beginnings.  A new diagnosis I didn’t know anything about or understand.  A new preschool.  With a little yellow school bus.

The autism diagnosis surprised me.  I hear a lot of people say that they suspected their child was on the spectrum and had them evaluated.  I did NOT think Declan had autism but was encouraged to have him evaluated.  Things were hard and different with Declan than with my other two, so I agreed.  It was a life changer for me.

I began to see the diagnosis, not the child.  I began looking for the diagnosis I had such a hard time seeing – until it was staring me in the face.

I told very few people about Declan’s diagnosis.  It only took a couple of people saying, “He looks fine to me” or “My kid did that (behavior) too and they don’t have autism.  Declan’s fine.” To realize support was NOT going to be coming from my then social circle.

This socially awkward introvert – the girl that wanted nothing more than to hide in a corner when in public?  Was forced out to everyone’s attention through a child in some stage of crisis when in the community.

NOW

The little yellow school bus still comes and takes Declan to his elementary school where he continues to succeed with support from services.

The diagnosis was a life changer for Declan.  He has never asked about autism but has recognized he feels he is “different” from his peers.

When Declan left that day to get on the little yellow school bus for the first time, our lives began to change – in the best way.  Declan was supported.  We were taught new skills to help him.  Some days, some parts of every day, ARE hard.  But we are all better equipped to help.

I see Declan, the child, first.  Autism is just a part of Declan.  And it makes him really special.

To be honest, I don’t know who knows or doesn’t know Declan (or Catelyn) are on the autism spectrum in my social circle.  I’ve found the only time I really bring it up is when I am in a discussion with some other parent who has a child with different needs.

Yes, I have had to step WAY outside my comfort zone in public.  But really, I found the people around me during a Declan meltdown are only there if I care to look at them – and I don’t care to look.  Head down, eyes focused on the person that needs my help and attention.

Declan’s learned and matured so much.  I have too.

Seeing this picture took me back to where I was completely lost with a new diagnosis.  Thinking of the steps I had to take to even get such a “normal” looking picture.  It was also a great eye opener to dispel all that sadness and confusion I had at the start.

And now all I have to say is “Smile!” to get a great big grin like this 😊