“MOOOOOOM!” I heard Catelyn cry from her room while I sat with a book in mine. I put my book down and waited to see what would happen next.
Her door flew open and Catelyn came barreling into my room with tears on her cheeks. She carried her school issued iPad and sat down on my bed with a big flop.
“My stupid Spanish teacher gave me a C for the semester!” Catelyn cried, sniffling big.
“I’m sorry,” I replied.
“It’s so unfair!” She cried and continued, “I was out sick and missed an assignment she gave one day in class. IN CLASS! It wasn’t online! I emailed her three days ago and tried asking her about it yesterday, but she didn’t hear me, so I just sat down.”
“Well, ask again. She can’t just give you a zero without giving you the opportunity to make up an assignment for when you were out sick.”
“YES SHE CAN! Look, it’s here on the portal in BOLD. That means that is my final grade for the semester! I can’t believe her! She just did this because she doesn’t like my handwriting.” Catelyn surmised, shaking her head as she scrolled through her grades.
Deciding to not challenge her handwriting theory, I went with a different approach.
“Catelyn, there is one more week for grades to change. Bobby had a bold grade change today as he was able to complete an assignment from when he was out sick. Just ask her.”
Catelyn let out a thunderous exasperated sigh and stood, “This is so STUPID!” She cried and left the room.
The portal. A school blessing and a curse.
The school portal can be a blessing. I can see grades as soon as they are uploaded, assignments, schedule. As a parent, this info is great for parenting kids like Bobby, who puts little interest in schoolwork. Once Bobby realized I had such direct access to his schooling he was cursed to have to do schoolwork that he otherwise would have denied having.
The kids have access to it too. They know right away if something is not right and need to fix something with the teacher.
I thought about Catelyn’s situation. Surely the teacher should allow her to complete the assignment, although the assignment was over a week and a half ago. Did Catelyn wait to long to address the assignment? If I were to get involved and reach out to the teacher, could I influence her into allowing Catelyn to complete the assignment? If I did reach out, would I truly be helping Catelyn?
Since the kids have left elementary school, I have left their schooling up to them. To an extent, I guess. Bobby’s laid-back approach to education has led me to steer him back to his educators with a single instruction: “Fix it.” And he has. Catelyn’s C would be the first C in the Coupe household.
In this era of bulldozer parenting, where parents are reaching out to teachers, professors, employers on their children’s behalf, how are we really helping our kids? What are they learning? Just call Mom, she’ll fix it? I didn’t want to teach that lesson.
I didn’t call Catelyn’s Spanish teacher. I coached and encouraged Catelyn on how to handle the issue. Maybe the teacher doesn’t like Catelyn, or her handwriting (?) but there’s a lesson there too. It was for Catelyn to learn.
Ultimately, Catelyn’s grade stayed a C. Catelyn reported her teacher stated that she did put the assignment online and gave Catelyn ample time to complete it.
Did the teacher say that? Was the assignment online? Did Catelyn even really ask?
I don’t know. But I do know Catelyn didn’t like her grade. I didn’t swoop in and fix her problem either; she learned a lesson, one way or the other, all on her own.
I’m not saying I am going to stay completely hands off when it comes to my kid’s education, especially when Declan leaves elementary school.
But some lessons are worth learning. And I think a semester grade in 6th grade Spanish is a fine place to start.
My granddaughter doesn’t communicate with her teachers, and won’t write it down in the book that is provided for her.
So tough!
Interesting to hear the pros and cons of your options here. I seem to recall getting away with a lot with teachers re: late assignments… I guess they have to put their feet down eventually. In the end, the approach you took here seems to be the closest to how real/adult life works.
I thought the same thing – there’s no way the teacher is just going to give her a zero for a day she was out sick (with a Dr.’s note). But I guess each teacher has their own limit. Thanks Jordan!
I’ve struggled with this topic quite a bit. Inability to manage assignments is my son’s biggest problem. He’s getting better (rapidly) but I honestly don’t think he would have made it out of 8th grade without some rather heavy parent intervention. It’s frustrating because the work is somewhat easy for him, but talk with a teacher? No way.
I wonder if Catelyn actually went and talked to the teacher. Or did she choose to skip that and just accept the C. For a semester grade, I left that up to her but if it meant she wouldn’t pass a whole grade I would have reached out too. I could let go with Bobby pretty easily, with Cate I am trying it out. And gosh, with Declan I bet I will have to get involved. It’s a delicate balance, I guess, for each kid and their abilities.
Right. Tricky finding a kid centric approach. They all need something different.
Unbelievably at our sons school some of the teachers do this. The argument is that even if your off sick it’s your responsibility to do homework and tests on time. Some of the teachers will send an email or put the requirement online. But a few don’t. It ends up with relying on the other kids to let the missing kid know.
I was surprised too! Catelyn followed school when she was home sick with the flu and saw there was an in class assignment, but that it wasn’t posted online. I think she waited to long to ask about it because the teacher was pretty unforgiving. I’m not totally sure though, could just be a teacher with very little forgiveness for illness!
Great lesson for her to learn! I agree that a semester grade in middle school Spanish (probably) won’t keep her out of the college of her dreams😉
With Older Daughter, we had a problem with her High School freshman English teacher. She was getting 1/2 credits and 1/4 credits on tests and homework assignments. She brought home a test with a big red “F+” grade. Huh? She failed, but really well?
We asked for a meeting to see if her version (He doesnt like me) was correct or if she was mouthing off (totally possible) in class or something. We had the meeting, we chatted… I dont remember what was said, but her grades suddenly were much better. I’m positive she wasnt trying any harder😉
Sometimes we need to intervene… other times it better to stay out of it.
Wow, that is a good point. If I saw the same thing happening I would have probably reached out too. There is a complete possibility that Catelyn would do the same things – she’s already told me that her math teacher calls her “rude” and gives her a hard time. Thankfully, the teachers negativity towards Cate is not showing up in the grades. You’re right, though, there is definitely a time to step in. Trying to figure out that time is the key!
Excellent…let them learn from the mistakes sooner, while there’s less of an impact, rather than later! Makes sense to me. Yet, a delicate balancing act for the parent.
Thank you! I agree, it is such a delicate balance. This one seemed like a safe lesson, thank goodness!
I applaud your restraint! It’s not the end of the world and provided a good opp for learning about reality and taking care of herself, without major consequences
Thank you so much!
Wise!!!
Oh hey, Jeff! I have been thinking about you – Good to hear from you! Hope all is well!
Thank you so much, Robyn! I am honored!! Just took a little break during a busy season! All is well!
I feel old reading this, since there was no online portal at any poiny during my school years. It seems like a very different world. But in either world, I think you did the right thing in being hands off. That’s a great lesson to learn that won’t happen in class otherwise!
Thanks Sean!
Self-advocacy skills can be more important than so many other skills. You never actively learn them at school, but without them, so many kids really struggle when they leave school, or when parents aren’t around to fix things. Sorry to hear about the grade, but it sounds as though you did the right thing.
Thank you!