“It’s okay, bud. Just try and stay calm.”
I put my hand on Declan’s shoulder and started to rub his back.
“BUT THEY AREN’T PLAYING RIGHT!” He cried with great exasperation.
“It’s just a game. Take a deep breath.”
“No!”
“Why don’t we leave this center and go to another one. We can go to the calm down center to color?”
“No!” Declan said again and began to wipe the tears that were forming in his eyes.
Every year. Every class party. There’s a game. There’s a center. There’s a failed social interaction. There is SOMETHING that happens in the loosely structured time of fun that gets Declan upset and I am left trying to put a social/mental band aid on Declan.
Also, at every class party, the teacher comes swooping in and makes everything right again.
I am so grateful for the teachers in these moments. But it really makes me think at times, “I’m the parent. Why didn’t I think of that?” And wishing I could take these teachers home to help me figure out what to do in all the hard times.
Yesterday was Halloween! Declan had his class party. Declan bounced with excitement at the beginning. With the help from Declan’s teacher, he found his way through some frustration and bounced his way home, eagerly awaiting the moment he could don his costume.
It was a new experience for us. The kids all separated. Bobby in one neighborhood with his friends. Catelyn at a Halloween get together with her friend. And Declan at home walking the streets with me and Bob.
Having the kids in different places was tough for the mom in me. Every year I get a picture of all three of them before they go out. So, the deal was, they could go with their friends – they just needed to send a picture of themselves before they headed out.
The big kids went for the scary masks.
Declan’s final costume: dead George Washington.
If a person guessed his costume right, he would do his president party trick. The person could pick a number between 1-45 and Declan would tell him the president and a fun fact. (For some reason, a lot of people picked #15. I am now well versed that #15 was James Buchanan and he was the only president to never marry.).
Our development is one of those developments that kids get dropped off to. There are a ton of houses close together. You can make a candy killing here. It was hard to get pictures of the crowds, but there were crowds everywhere.
In all the excitement, in all the crowds there were some missed “trick or treat” calls. Declan did not need to carry a blue pumpkin for people to be nice to him.
Before Halloween I saw this a lot on social media. Have you seen it?
If it helps some people, then great. I am all for it. But to me the sign should just read:
“There’s a person that loves Halloween at your door. Be kind.”
Just be nice.
We’re really a pillowcase family, anyway. They fit a lot more candy.
Kids and pillowcases came home. Candy was sorted and traded. And when they all hit the sack, I can say they all had a very happy Halloween!
Your so right. Just be kind and patient full stop.I know you do a wonderful job parenting. But no one can have all the answers all the time. That’s when it’s a blessing when someone can step in. We never got one person last night. It really not a surprise as we don’t have many kids in the village. Still it means that all the chocolates we bought just in case need to find a good home. It would be rude of me not to offer.
Thank you! I understand the reason behind the blue pumpkin but would so much rather people were kind and patient all the time. Thanks again – I swear I’m always at a loss and am so thankful the teachers help me out at all the class parties. Well, I guess they are really helping Declan, but I so appreciate their intervention. Wow, no one! We have had a lot of weird weather and it was supposed to storm last night. A lot of towns around us rescheduled Halloween just in case and I think they all came to our neighborhood because we were still on. It was so crowded!
I agree, it should be kindness & patience no matter who’s at the door, autistic or not. But still, the thought is a good one, it reiterates the need for a little consideration. It’s great all the kids had a good time and I love Declan’s costume – very creative, as is the party trick with the fun facts! I bet there are some happy campers now with pillowcases full of candy 😉
Caz xx
I agree, the thought is a good one. Like the teal pumpkin for food allergies. And if it helped some kids then that’s fantastic. Thank you! Yes, I was happy to see little dead George Washington. He made me smile 🙂 They sure are! Just a matter of setting some candy limits. Thanks Caz! xx
I have never seen the blue pumpkins. We’ve been very lucky with Ben, people have been kind. They didnt even get upset when he went in their houses🙄😂 We walk a couple of blocks over to the streets that are all houses. Our house is in a mixed area with businesses and apartments. We got no one at our door, and it seemed like fewer people out this year. No fires near us or anything else that would cause the drop off🤷♀️
I’m glad dead George had fun and the scary big kids too.
I think the teachers seem better because they have more structure and routine and only have to deal 5-6 hours a day, 5 days a week. We’re tired and we have to deal with all the regular life stuff. We’re still awesome!! 😘💌
Oh my goodness – I just read another autism post from Bacon and Juiceboxes where the mom tells of her son going into people’s houses on Halloween trying to find their toy room 🙂 Everyone was really understanding to her as well. It was soooo busy here. A lot of towns around us rescheduled Halloween for tonight because of bad weather. I think all those kids just got dropped off into our neighborhood so they can trick or treat both nights. Thank you! I think they did 🙂
You’re right. I am always just so astounded at how easily Declan listens to his teachers and how easily he blows me off 🙂 I wish I had the “teacher power” to get him to listen.
OH! And I saw the funniest meme and thought of you. It was something along the lines of “Mom to the school bus: “You….. complete me” 🙂 Made me laugh and think of you!
😂😂😂 that meme sounds like me for sure!
I haven’t seen blue pumpkins, just teal ones that signify the houses offer non-candy treats for those who can’t partake. We had big rain and wind here – Halloween was postponed in some places but the kids here braved the weather, with lots of pillowcases.
We were supposed to have terrible weather which is why a lot of towns canceled around us – I think it just led to kids getting dropped off here and a bigger crowd in our neighborhood. But it was a fun night – I don’t mind the big crowds. Just the cars driving around them.
Robin, I wrote a comment asking how new the blue pumpkins are. It showed up on a different blog. Not sure how that happened. Anyway, have these been around for a while? I agree with you, give everyone the time they need to do what ever they’re doing. We all need a break at least some of the time.
That’s weird! I believe the blue pumpkin thing started 2-3 years ago. It started innocently enough – I believe a mom tweeted that her 21 year old autistic son still loved Halloween and if you see a young man dressed up carrying a blue pumpkin – that’s him and please just let him participate. It kind of went viral, and the next year another mom did the same. This year it just seems to be “If you’re autistic, carry a blue pumpkin for others to be more understanding.” While I totally get why the mom’s did this originally, I would just prefer people were kind, gave everyone time and understanding.
Right, if you can’t be accepting of all who come by, just turn off your light and don’t play the game.
I understand how you feel about the blue pumpkin but it’s great that it’s even been thought of and also makes people more aware. ❤️
That’s true! Definitely raised more awareness.
P.s. tell Declan he looked amazing and just like a president 😉
I will! Thank you so much 🙂 What I am excited for – after Halloween he always wears his costumes around the house. Be fun to see Washington walk by 🙂
I bet it is ❤️
Glad you all had a HAPPY Halloween! Love the kid’s costume and I didn’t know James Buchanan never married!
I love that Declan went with one of his favorite presidents rather than the horror look he’s been experimenting with. I’m sure it was even more fun because of his party trick. I cracked up at that he said Washington’s been dead a long time. I have seen the blue pumpkin information all over my social media for weeks. I think just reading about it should help people be more aware that even if they don’t see a blue pumpkin they don’t know everybody’s story. Teachers who have been in the field for a while have a large bag of tricks. When I was teaching I used to tell parents that it is easier to take care of other people’s children six hours a day for nine months than to raise your own children. I’m glad your family had a good Halloween!
Oh my goodness, me too! I love seeing his history side way more than the horror side. You’re right! I thought about that – the blue pumpkins are just going to spark more awareness if a person is carrying one or not. That’s good to know from a teachers perspective. As a parent I feel like, well, Declan at least, listens to his teacher WAY more than he does me, too. Thank you! Hope yours was fun too!
Several parents have told me that there kids are able to hold things together at school but home is there safe place where they can let it out. When moms bring home to school by coming to a party, I believe that can be unexplored territory for kids.
That’s a great point and definitely something Declan has trouble with. He hates having me talk about him to his teachers about home, or vice versa. He was very excited to see me when I got there, but I think it does have its complications. That is a really good point!
Belated Happy Halloween, Robyn…
I’m sorry – sometimes I forget to go through comments. To you too!
Yes! I saw those blue sign posts and I thought the same thing. Can’t people just be nice? My friend passed out two kinds of candy this year afraid a mom or dad would be mad at her if she didn’t have dairy free gluten free options. I told her “your being super kind, I’m sure them parents will be grateful.” Times are changing for sure. Your kiddos look adorable!
Thank you so much! I agree – the times they are changing for sure.