“That’s IT!” Declan cries with red puffy cheeks, tears streaming down his face, “I’M RUNNING AWAY!”
The front door opens and off he bolts.
In the past couple months we have had five meltdowns that led to this outcome. Three at home, two at the store.
The reasons for the meltdowns are varied.
At home, they are usually because of a transition. Transitions have ALWAYS been a challenge. Declan’s response to them is never favorable and has varied through the years. Right now, a transition leads to a meltdown, and ends with: “I’M RUNNING AWAY!”
Recently, we had a tough one. When the time to stop playing arrived to get in the car, Declan was inconsolable, and fled from the house.
As I got to the front door, I could see Declan running into the street, head high, crying, eyes shut. Thankfully, there were no cars coming. But what if there were? He certainly didn’t see them. The last thing he saw was Catelyn’s body as she tackled him into a neighbor’s yard.
So, I hit the good old WWW. I was sure someone else out there has gone through this. What did they do?
In the article found here, I read running away is a very common issue. In a study performed via survey, 49% of children with autism had tried to run away at least once. By wandering or running away.
We have had issues with both in the past. As I wrote about here, I was terrified to find the back door open and Declan gone. It took me five (long) minutes to find him sitting in the street out front of our house, waiting for Bobby’s bus.
We put alarms on our doors, I got a tracking device for Declan to wear. Honestly, Declan’s disappearing act was one of the main reasons the school appointed him a 1/1 aid.
Then things calmed a little. We turned the alarms off. The tracker’s in a drawer. I would be surprised if he continues with a 1/1 aid at school much longer.
Until recently. Running away is back. It’s purposeful. When he’s sad and mad – “smad” – and doesn’t know what to do with his overwhelming emotions.
I read in the article how dangerous running away can be as the child with autism does not realize the danger they are putting themselves – as I had witnessed with Declan blindly running into the street. The article connects running away with other challenging autism behaviors like self-injury and damaging personal property, both of which we experience with Declan as well.
And for us, this behavior is unique to Declan. Neither Bobby nor Catelyn ever ran away or threatened to run away. They have never engaged in self-injurious behavior nor damaged property when they were “smad” as Declan does.
I am blessed that I know what is going on now with this behavior, where I didn’t before.
I know if I ask Declan to make a transition he will get upset and then run away.
So, I can block the door.
I know that if he gets upset when we are out of the house he will run away.
I can say, “I’m sorry” the words that always seem to calm him. “I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’m sorry.”
Knowing this information is huge in helping to keep him safe. I can turn the alarms back on. I can pull the tracker back out. When I read articles like the one here, I get the idea of adding a deadbolt high on the top of my door.
So, if you ever see me or one of my kids running down the street chasing my little guy – feel free to lend a hand. Or at least, don’t judge when we tackle him. We are just trying to keep him safe.
I’ll lend a hand and not judge.
Awesome!! Thank you 🙂
That’s scary that he does that, without looking. One of my boys fixated on not going to his classroom by himself and ended up trying to walk home on his own. I saw him rushing across a really busy street when I looped around to check on him. Like in situation, there were not any cars at the time.
People might get mad if I tackle their kid, but I’ll certainly stop ANY child from rushing into the road. 🙂
You’re good people.
Oh boy, that is scary too.
Perfect! 🙂 Thank you! You too 🙂
It must be so scary for you. Son went through a spell of this. The eyes are working but the images are not being processed by the brain. Yes it was scary on the street. I think when the world changed his brain deleted the running away option. We have the anxiety vortex. It justs feeds on itself and gets more out of control. Like you said when you start to understand it, you find things of words that help. We say it’s a bit like Black Widow trying to calm the Hulk so he becomes Banner again. What often works for us is a quick series of questions about his favourite subject.
You know, I thought I was past the running away – but then it popped back in. He was using his mean words a lot before this when he was upset. Now he chose this as an action. I can’t wait to get passed it again! (Fingers crossed). I love your questions you ask and the discussions they lend to – I will definitely use this in the future! It’s awesome!
Oh, my!! How frightening. You and your family are just amazing. And I wouldn’t hesitate to lend a hand if I saw you running down the street!! Much love.
Aww, thank you so much! I soo appreciate it! Much love!
My son does this more than I’d like & he’s only 6–I’m scared of what it will be like when he’s older. With Dex, it happens a lot when we’re trying to leave somewhere he doesn’t want to leave, so it’s running in crowds of strangers or parking lots. I seriously think about leashing him sometimes. Ugh. I’m just glad we’re not the only ones dealing with this. Plus, the deadbolt at the top really does help!
Oh my gosh, yes – the crowds and parking lots are so scary. I used to leash Declan when he was smaller – it totally helped. We have the ID bracelet now that I should probably start putting on him again. Okay, great – thanks for letting me know! I will have to put one in.
Never judge, as I know what my daughter goes through.
Thank you, Susie! Sounds like she goes through a lot. Thinking of her and your granddaughter!
You too. Always 🙏
Gosh that must be so scary!!!
It is – I say my thank you prayers as soon as I see I was blessed with his safety. So scary!
Amen!!!
I have been there. Casey used to bolt lile that. Now, he only does it when he is hot or hungry. He’s become more of a quiet eloped as he’s aged. We have screws in the window so that he can’t open them.
That’s a good idea! I switched our windows so that the screen is on the top and opens from the top down with a guard that only allows them to open 2 inches. Kind of stinks when you want a fresh breeze but totally worth safety!
This REALLY hits home for me. When my son was young (about 5-7yrs) he would run away from school when the kids were bullying him. I would get a frantic call from the teachers and we’d all hit the neighbourhood in our cars trying to find him. It was terrifying because he had zero road sense, and I’m really lucky we would find him before something happened. He even learned to scale the locked gate at school – anything to escape the nasty kids. Thankfully, he grew out of it and learned other coping mechanisms. I’m sorry that Declan’s going through it, too. Great find on the articles. (btw – I’ve learned now that I can still comment here even without a WordPress account. 🤦🏻♀️)
Oh my gosh, that is so scary. I have only lost Declan for minutes. That is terrifying that your son would leave the school like that (although I can understand why). I am hopeful Declan will learn other coping mechanisms as well. Thank you! Nice 🙂
I see the word “scary” used in the above comments. That’s the word I’d use, too…
Yeah, it is pretty scary!
Not particularly profound, but as a parent that word came immediately to mind.
I gotcha – it is scary. Just wanted to let you know I laughed out loud at the hippo trying to imitate the snowy owl. Pretty funny stuff (for everyone but the lemming 🙂 )
Scary when it’s any child but as you said he’s not even aware of danger. 😱
I agree – it is scary for any child. He just doesn’t even realize the danger he is putting himself in.
Have him go back to wearing the tracking devices again! That is the only help I can come up with at the time. It worked in the past maybe it will help you find him faster when he runs away.
You are right – he has to start wearing his device again so I can find him right away if he gets out of sight. Otherwise, it is too dangerous!
There is little else scarier than a child running. I unfortunately had this happen multiple times with different children during my time in the elementary school. When the space they’re in no longer feels safe, they flee to find one that does. It’s heart-wrenching. Hang in there, mama!
Thank you!
Hugs and prayers first off. My daughter packed her suitcase when she was young and told me she was going to run away when she was young. Not ever doing until she got to 8 or 9th grade. She has a hard with understanding her own emotions. (We worked with her on learning others emotions) so when she was at her boiling point we got into an arguement and she ran out of the house, her siblings were home and i was able to catch her but someone called the police and that was a very rough night. I dont recall how old your child is but maybe starting a journal even if he cant write yet, he can draw how he’s feeling. It’s a way for them to get out their felling. I have incorporated this as a routine for my now 17 almost 18 year old daughter. Every day she has to write in her journal. She says it doesn’t help her but I can see a calm in her when she does. Just a suggestion. And again hang in there. Your a great parent!
Yes – same situation in that he has lost control of his emotions and doesn’t know what else to do except run. Journaling is a great idea! He may not write but he does enjoy drawing pictures – if I could get him to draw about his day that might really work for him. Thank you! You are too!
Your welcome hope it helps him and you to understand his feelings better
Thanks for this, Robyn. You really are a mine of helpful information and I appreciate all your posts. Luckily we don’t have this problem yet, but of course you never know, so I will keep the information close in case we ever do. Thanks again, and all good wishes to you and lovely Declan. 🙂
Thank you so much!