Autistic Kids are Easy Targets for Bullies and Meanies

Highs and lows.

Getting Declan to talk about his day has always been a challenge. I am constantly trying new ways to get a sense of what Declan’s day at school was like.

I’m on a new approach. Highs and lows. I ask Declan to tell me the best part and then the worst part of his day.

What makes this work – Declan’s actually answering. Thoughtfully too! And I am seeing a bigger picture of his school day.

Last week after telling me his high point – that he did not have a substitute teacher, he told me his low.

“Two kids on the playground were making me upset. They kept telling me that Thomas Jefferson was NOT the third president of the United States. They kept trying to tell me that he was the sixteenth president. And that’s NOT TRUE. Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth president. They wouldn’t listen to me! The teacher came and talked to them and then she made me feel better.”

Deep sigh. Bummer.

The following day, the low – there was a substitute teacher in the gym. But the high?

“The teacher had the two kids play with me on the playground. It was a lot of fun!”

But the following day, the kids returned, alone and unsupervised, and not to play nice.

I’m not going to use the word “bully.” At this point the kids are just being mean. Big meanies.

They realize Declan has this great big shiny button, AND that when you press it, you get this REALLY BIG REACTION.

Catelyn and Declan have both faced big meanies and bullies in the past (post here). They are both EASY targets for big meanies and bullies.

Here’s why:

Catelyn and Declan are both mainstreamed. They carry an invisible diagnosis that their peers probably don’t know about.

They both have a hard time understanding social situations, reading others perceptions of them, and picking up when someone is going out of their way to be mean.

They both have shiny buttons that when pressed, produce these enormous reactions.

Neither will think to go get a teacher for help. Both will fight for what they know is “right” in their mind.

And what led to Catelyn’s depression, what I now must be watchful for with Declan, the big meanies create a divide. Once they push the button and get the reaction they’re going for, they create the chasm between “us” and “you – the weird one.” With the “us” only potentially getting bigger when other peers see the great divide.

Thankfully, for Declan, right when it was super important to monitor his sense of self because of the big meanies, a new opportunity arose.

Seeing Declan at football practices a football coach offered to have Declan join their football team as an honorary coach. They gave Declan a jersey and a wrist band with plays in it.

The boys on the team love “Coach Declan.” They cheer when they see him and are never short on giving him high-5’s.

So, last week when the big meanies went on attack, Declan put THIS as his HIGH for the day.

“They were being mean, so I just looked down to my arm at my football plays (he was so happy with his new wrist band of plays he wore it to school) and ran to the right, away from them! It was great!”

That made me smile.

Kids with autism are easy targets for the big meanies and bullies. I was fortunate to hear Declan’s report of his day so I could monitor his mood. It was fortunate Declan was made to feel super special outside of school AND that he had success finding a way around the big meanies.

Declan is autistic and that is not going to change. The big meanies and bullies aren’t going to go away either.

Thankfully there are other people helping make Declan feel happy, boosting his self confidence and making him feel like a million bucks.