Our family of five sat in a line in the veterinarian’s office, I with a biscuit making cat in my lap. We were learning about cat care and the need to keep the cat quarantined for ten days to ensure it did not have rabies.
“The only issue we may have with that,” I said and pointed down the line, “is my youngest is on the autism spectrum. We will put the cat in the basement and let her have that floor, but one of his trampolines is down there. I am afraid he will leave the door open when he goes down to jump and let the dogs down by accident. We will have to be super vigilant about the door being shut.”
The vet and I began a discussion about autism as she divulged her daughter was also on the spectrum, and the challenges that may lay ahead of us in the next ten days.
As the conversation wore on, I felt a hole burning through my cheek. My hand went up to my jaw to feel the area. When I discovered my skin was still intact, I looked to my left to see a laser gaze shooting mental darts at me.
“Okay,” I told Catelyn with my eyes.
I looked back to the vet and nodded as she finished her sentence. I pointed to Catelyn and added, “My daughter is also on the spectrum. She is higher functioning but will still have a hard time waiting to interact with the cat. She can be very overwhelming in her social interactions, with pets and with people, and has a hard time keeping her hands to herself.”
And as the vet began to talk with us about this challenge, I felt Catelyn sink back into her chair, satisfied.
She was included in the autism conversation.
Remember this picture?
I was happily discussing the High-5 soccer program Declan participates in. I was showing pictures of his day and this one most of all. Getting his trophy at the end of the season with his buddy and the program director telling him to “Hold it high!”
The story was about Declan that day.
Guess what? That is the doctored picture. This is the original.
Today the story is about that girl in the corner.
To be honest, I was slightly annoyed Catelyn was standing back there. I had asked her to come to the front, but she wouldn’t and just loomed, captured in the background of Declan getting his trophy.
And now I see the metaphor. Her looming, High Functioning Autism (HFA) wanting to be included and seen for its challenges, but still feeling on the outside.
Now, let’s be clear. Catelyn does not need to play High-5. She plays on a travel soccer team and is doing well. She is known as “Crazy Cate” by her teammates for her vivacious personality (really, she gets completely overstimulated, but hey, she found a way to make it work – she’s scored seven goals in the past month in futsal).
But Catelyn does have autism, whether she is high functioning or not, she still faces many challenges. I see her work through issues in sensory, social, emotional and communication every day.
Catelyn is, and wants to be, a part of the autism conversation. To be included. To not have her challenges overlooked, diminished or dismissed. And allowed to be herself.
So, sometimes I need to feel mental laser darts shot at my head to be reminded Cate’s challenges with HFA may be different, but they are just as important and need to be included in autism conversations.
So true each individual with autism is unique and has particular challenges that need to addressed.
I agree – so different and sometimes some are so easy to overlook!
Sorry if you get this twice, my WP is playing up. Thank you for this. Each autistic person is a unique individual with a unique range of talents and gifts. We have a photo from before we considered autism. The whole of the nursery and staff are sat together. One little boy is stood by himself, right at the front about 3 ft in front of everyone else. We have other photos where he is stood by himself at the side of groups, often with his hood up.Never gave this much thought until your post.
Oh my gosh! The reason I thought about this was because someone was asking about High-5 and so I started going through pictures and when I saw Cate there, I thought of the vet and what she goes through in general. It all started with a picture, though! They can really tell a story!
Such a good point as we get stares from new people when we say autism and they look at sammy and I as if we’re wrong. Just because it doesn’t glare at them it is there and it is real. Thank you for sharing
Thank you! Yes, sometimes I feel the same way when I talk about either of my kids on the spectrum. But it is there and it is real, you’re right!
Aww I feel for Catelyn. My youngest has always felt shadowed by her sister (less now but still sometimes). It’s a hard balance to manage!
Yes, I can relate. Catelyn is the middle child, only girl, on the spectrum but still less noticed for her needs – I really try to spend a lot of time with her to help the balance. It is tough!
It is!
I can understand why you didn’t bring it up at first because, even as parents/carers we know better, it is seen mainly as a deficit, and you didn’t want Cate to feel bad.
It’s so awesome that she accepts who she is and wants to be part of the conversation! It’s so awesome that she made you include her! And it’s so awesome that you reminded me to fight against internalizing all the negative connotations surrounding autism!!
Yes! I realize I leave it up to her to decide who she is going to talk about her struggles with and what she wants them to know. But sometimes, maybe she wants someone to know but doesn’t know how to say it yet – and then she looks to me for help. Good training for both of us! I agree – so proud of her!
I find it interesting that Cate wants that attention. Eli, would balk heavily at any attention being directed at him, regardless of the truth.
There are times my husband and I are planning things and we are always asking, “how is this going to affect Declan?” And occasionally she will ask me, “Me too, right?” Yes, of course. I have always left it up to her to talk about it with who she wanted, and she said she told her 2 close friends, but they didn’t really understand. They just like Cate, which is great. So, at the vet, I don’t know – I guess she was hearing about the vets daughter and how autism affects her and she wanted to be included. I think she is in this spot where she is so high functioning, she gets overlooked. And it is great that her 2 friends accept her for her and just shrug at her occasional outbursts so she doesn’t have to explain. But she is also learning how to say “I have a hard time with these things” and maybe saw a way into the conversation at the vet, which was maybe a great start.