Don’t Judgey the Pudgy!

Hydrogenated oils.

Monosodium Glutamate.

Those were the first thoughts that popped into my mind while I was eating cheese puffs. 

It was just air.  Crunchy air.  There was nothing natural about the orange on my fingertips or the texture of the object in my hand.  The puff was what I imagined these chemicals looked like in object form.  I could be way wrong.  All I know is that it was probably terrible for me and I was eating it.

That is not like me.  I’m not even a big snacker!

I have always had food rules.  I was a vegetarian for years.  I even went vegan for a few months.  Now that I eat meat again, I only eat chicken, turkey, or fish. 

Throughout the years, I have developed food allergies.  Dairy especially causes my face to swell, eye bags to form, and I can’t breathe out of my nose.  Oatmeal, soy, gluten are also offenders.  I don’t feel as bad when I eat them I just get very bloated with an upset stomach.  Any food coated in preservatives, like Dorito’s, will cause the same reaction as if I ate a whole piece of cheese.  Goodbye breathing, hello puffy face.

So, why am I eating the crap? 

When I was first locked in the house, I said goodbye to all my old food rules.  There were no rules.  If I was going to have to stay home, I was going to enjoy my time inside.

At the time I blew caution to the wind, I was also under the thought we were only going to be doing this for two weeks.  Then a month.  How much damage could I possibly do in that short amount of time?  I’m still taking my gym class every day and running 4-5 days a week.  We walk miles every day.  One cheese puff, one puffy face – who cares?

In this house of picky eaters, I still have to make 3-4 different meals a night.  To make things easier, I jump into the main course.  I’ve eaten the meatballs when I usually wouldn’t have.  I’ll eat a turkey burger when it’s hot dog/hamburger night, but I’ll put it on a great big (yummy) regular roll.  I don’t even do that at restaurants!

It’s more accessible too.  There is one store farther away that has the best dairy-free/gluten-free section.  But it isn’t as close and is a little crazier.  I’m not interested in going to multiple stores right now like I used to.  So, I’ve stuck to the store near me, which has fewer options.  If I can’t have what I usually eat, I find I’m eating what I shouldn’t.

What’s the final outcome?  I’m feeling a tad pudgy.  Thank goodness I already lived in stretchy workout pants. 

During this ruleless time, my sleep has suffered.  Probably from more unfortunate diet choices, I am sure.  Usually, I wake up every morning around 3 or 4 and spend the next couple of hours tossing and turning.

When I am in this lighter sleep, I have the “crazy” dreams.  The ones that when I open my eyes, I blurt, “Well, that was weird.”

About a week ago, I was in a strange land in my dream.  More than one person grabbed my pudgy belly in the course of our conversation and squeezed it quickly three times.  When Declan was younger, he used to pinch the skin at my elbow that gathered when my arm was straight.  It was sensory pleasing to him.  Was my belly sensory pleasing to these people in my dream?  Maybe it was in their culture? 

My attention is on the pudge.  It’s haunting me in my dreams. 

I’m sure this is happening to others as well.  I can almost imagine when we see one another again for the first time how surprised we might be by the change in some of our body compositions.

So, I’m creating a new motto.  My anthem for the quarantine:

Don’t judgey the pudgy!