Finding Success with Friends!

With helmet on, Declan looked to the ground, hands clutching the handlebars of his scooter.  I walked next to him as he gently coaxed his scooter forward.

As we maneuvered down the street, a group of children passed us.  One held a radio in her hand with music blaring.  The children were running and laughing together.  When they got to another child’s lawn a few houses ahead, they stopped and began to dance.

Seeing the children around him, Declan smiled and began to scooter a little faster.  As the children stopped, Declan stopped in realization and frowned.

He dropped his scooter to the ground and turned to me.  His face fell and tears began to form.

“I am so mad at myself,” he said as he began to take his helmet off.  “Because I want to play with them, but I can’t.  It never goes well, and we fight.  They don’t like to play with me.”

My heart broke.

I had seen him try to play with the kids before and he was right.  It never went well.  Declan confused a social situation and easily frustrated.  There would be little understanding or flexibility on either end.  I would always end up bringing Declan home, in tears.

I have always wanted Declan to find success in social situations.  I know how bad he wants to have friends and to play.  For him to be understood and for everyone to be flexible.

Then, one afternoon Declan’s eager face appeared before me, practically falling out of his school bus.

“Ben’s mom wants me to come over to play with Ben,” he rushed, “I have a note!”

As I unpacked his book bag, I found it.  A perfect note asking if Declan was free to play at Ben’s house with an email address to arrange a meeting.

I had met Ben when I volunteered in Declan’s classroom.  A happy child, completely in love with Star Wars.  No doubt driving Declan’s new-found love for Star Wars as well.

I smiled, Declan and I hugged.  Declan was going to have his first play date!

As I arranged the get together, I wondered if Ben or his mom knew Declan was on the autism spectrum.  My husband and I know Declan can have problems in social situations and sometimes needs a little coaching so, we decided to tell her and ask to have the boys get together at our house.

Which worked out great.

We were able to coax Declan away from video games when Ben was ready to play something else.  Knowing losing is very hard on Declan, Catelyn was able to support him when he lost a light saber battle.  We were able to encourage Declan to be flexible when the boys took turns watching their favorite YouTube videos.

And when restricted interests set completely in and Declan wanted to play alone, Catelyn was kind enough to play toys with little Ben.

Two hours were a perfect amount of time as Declan’s edges were starting to fray.  Instead of how Declan’s social interactions have ended in the past, this one ended on a high note.

Success!

Declan has a very hard time with social situations.  He has provided keen insight into his behavior – which is great.  Because Declan wants a friend and to be a friend.

At one point my husband and I crouched on the other side of the wall, listening to the boys play.  We had the biggest, goofiest smiles on our faces.  After a couple of minutes, I looked to see the big softie with a tear in his eye.

“Declan has a FRIEND!” He whispered and I smiled.

With a little bit of coaching and support, and one accepting friend, Declan had a great play date!