My husband and I sat giggling and whispering like two little schoolgirls at the car dealership.
We had decided to buy a “new to us” used car and were excited about the prospect of our new purchase.
“Know what I’m going to do?” My husband whispered with a big smile on his face.
“What?” I asked in eager anticipation.
“I am going to have them throw in the roof rack – for FREE!”
“Wow! You go, Cowboy! Giddy up!” I giggled in return, throwing an imaginary lasso into the air.
After a few minutes the car salesman reappeared. When my husband alerted him that we would also like the roof rack “thrown in” to our new purchase the salesman let us know –
“Of course. That will just be another $250. I will tell them to go ahead and install that to your car.”
And as the salesman went to go notify the servicemen of our new request, my husband and I giggled at my husband’s previous gusto and newfound situation.
To this day, my husband and I still laugh about the roof rack all the time. That car was two cars ago, but the story will last a lifetime.
Truth is, we really are such pushovers.
We don’t ask for deals we don’t ask for discounts. We accept the price listed on all items.
We don’t have the conviction to ask. What is proposed to us is accepted or not accepted at face value.
We’re fine with it, of course. It’s just a part of our personalities. No biggie.
This trait carries over into our lives in other ways. And didn’t change when we had kids. We teach our kids the same.
Stand up for yourself if you need to but if it’s not a big deal, turn the other cheek.
When it comes to ‘things,’ for years I’ve spouted “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit!”
Pushovers – maybe. Or easy going, laid back. Flexible.
Recently, I felt the rumblings of a growl inside.
It’s Spring.
AKA, It’s IEP season.
A few months ago, The Dreaded Red Folder came home asking me to provide my parental input about Declan as he was being reevaluated for services.
I have always been able to rely on the school for their care and support when it comes to Declan. I don’t want ANY of that to change.
Thankfully, during the reevaluation they saw how well he is doing with his supports in place. There will be no big changes to his IEP.
Cool.
But a major red flag was hoisted.
As I was talking with the school psychologist, he let me know, “Declan, of course, will continue to carry the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder for now. (!!!) As always, we will continue to monitor him and continue to reevaluate in years to come.”
And as my heart fluttered, filled with all the things I had to say to the school psychologist about the “for now” statement, I went with my typical Robyn response.
“Okay.”
Now I have a ton to say about this. If you don’t know I believe once diagnosed, one should never be moved off the spectrum as I wrote about here. Autism is a neurological disorder. One is not “cured” of autism. I believe someone nailed it with the comment, “Coping is not curing.”
I have a very accepting personality. I don’t rock the boat.
But I believe the school psychologist dinged the “Mama Bear” inside. The bear I didn’t think I possessed as her definition of “tough” and “aggressive” seemed to be the antithesis of me.
I hear MOST about this bear from other Mama’s out there DURING IEP SEASON.
I don’t know how my Mama Bear will deal with this issue, but I know that if she must, somehow, she will.
I am happy to meet her and to know she is there.
Because this is one issue I would fight for.
Go Mama Bear….use fangs only when necessary, and retract claws after all IEP meetings. Store Mama Bear on $250 roof rack of car to quickly retrieve as needed….however, keep being the true Koala bear you are inside!! 🙂
Oh my goodness, that is funny. Carted out on the roof rack and all! 🙂 Love it! Thanks, Jeff! I like the image of being a happy Koala 🙂
That’s a Bear I would like to see let rip. It feels like we are moving to the same approach here. The recognition of the condition doesn’t change just the current budgetary definition which each year moves the qualifying line further up the spectrum. Currently the best hope is that he stays under the care model until 21 then it’s definitely ‘now bugger off your an adult now’. See you have unleashed my inner sloth now.
Aggghhh, sorry 🙂 You are right – I never thought about WHY they would want to try and move him off one day. Money. So frustrating!
Ugh! IEP…😵 As much as I hate the IEP meetings, at least I’m never worried that Ben is going to lose services. How horrible is system where you want your child to do well, but not TOO well?!😤 Go Mama Bear! Some things DO matter, and support services is definitely one of them!💌
I know! I have always felt bad that I am happy when his needs show up during the day and that he doesn’t have all good days. Such a silly system. Yes, you are right – support services do make a difference!
You go, Mama Bear! You’re the one who needs to fight for your kids. 🙂 The school’s classification is never a diagnosis, anyway; they’re not allowed to.
I was wondering how he could take it off. School Psychologist was in the list of people who could diagnose autism, so I thought he could take it off. But – they only see him at school! How could they do that? And would his point of view trump the developmental pediatrician who diagnosed Declan originally? He added a diagnosis this time too. I have been hesitant as they reevaluated Catelyn and felt she was more depressed – overall, no need for them to support her. It is all so much, so confusing – but very good to know. Thank you!
I’m pretty sure you’re the final say in that classification, and if the doctor’s note says, “Autism,” they can’t just take it off.
Our experience at middle school is they have *wanted* Eli to have accommodations. It’s really felt like a team effort. Next year is high school. We’ll see how things change. Your school district seems to have some tough policies on IEPs.
They do, right?! That is good to hear about Eli’s middle school. My fingers are crossed for him in high school!
I relate to this so much. My older son who’s 8 has Autism as well as Selective Mutism. Talk about challenging and if that weren’t enough, I’m co-parenting with the ex from…H.E double .L My ex and his new wife, who’s bat-s$&@ crazy doesn’t think he has Autism and they now want him in a school closer to their home where her son goes, not to mention their dad is a stranger to them that pops back into their lives when it’s convenient. I dread IEP meetings because of the simple fact that I have to see my ex husband and his crazy new wife.
Wow, that sounds awful. For you and your son! I would hate those IEP meetings too!