“You’re doing it wrong.”
This is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies as a kid – and even today.
Mr. Mom.
In the movie Mr. Mom, Michael Keaton’s character goes from being the family bread winner to a stay at home dad while his wife hangs up her stay at home apron and enters the work force full time.
As Michael Keaton adjusts to the role of stay at home dad, he is told multiple times by school personnel, store clerks and even his own kids: “You’re doing it wrong.”
This line has always cracked me up.
Then one day I hung up on full time employment and became a stay at home mom. As easy as I thought this transition would be, I found I was wrong. WAY WRONG. And often at the end of each day I would wonder one thing.
“I think I’m doing it wrong!”
It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t relaxing going at our own pace. It was non-stop. Tears, fights, messes – as much as I was trying to parent the way I thought I was supposed to in order to raise my children into great upstanding citizens – well, it just didn’t fit them. And I was frustrated. So were they.
Press the great old “fast forward” button to last week. I was standing at the soccer fields for a tournament weekend talking with another parent.
When the topic of summer came up, I described our summer in one word.
Busy.
Two soccer leagues, two basketball leagues, three basketball camps, two mission trips, one church retreat, one rugby league, vacation bible school, one overnight camp, football, doctor’s appointments, vet appointments, pool time, sleep overs, the kids friends here there and everywhere, practices, practices, practices……
It’s been non-stop. I put my schedule up on the shelf and attuned to keeping my kids busy.
What I found interesting was that my friend at the soccer field said the opposite. She didn’t schedule anything for her kids. Just a nice relaxing summer.
I nodded and thought about this for a bit. I certainly donned the hat of a taxi driver this summer. There wasn’t a single day that I wasn’t driving someone somewhere for something.
I knew I wasn’t going to have a “sit by the pool” relaxing summer as I wrote about here, but I did realize I had a different kind of relaxing summer.
I didn’t have to spend three months disciplining bad choices and fighting.
There was a schedule. And THAT fit us well.
The kids have their back to school haircuts, new school supplies, new first day outfits – and I can FINALLY say – they have all their summer homework done. They are ready to go on Monday to start a new school year.
But before we get there, we have two more days of our busy summer schedule to get through. We will wrap up a successful summer break.
And for once, I can finally say, I think I finally got it right.
You found what works for you. That’s the “right” way. Two more days, I’m so excited! 💃
Did you see the Holderness Family back to school N’SYNC video? I’ve been singing BYE, BYE, BYE all day😂
Yes! I started in one spot and realized it just wasn’t working for my kids. Finally found the way that works best for us. Two more days!!! Yay!!!
I love them – YES! That video is so funny. Now I have it stuck in my head too 🙂
Don’t you love it when you look back at something and say, Hey, that worked! I think our family is somewhere between you and your friend. Too slow and everyone’s bored. Too fast paced and everyone melts down. We need to have a Goldilocks summer or pay the price.
Oh my gosh, yes! Took me eight tough summers to finally figure it out. It was a nice balance for each of the kids – Bobby likes a busy schedule with all his energy, so I let him get involved in whatever structured activity that was availble. The other two had a nice balance of activity and TV/screen time. I could have probably done a little more activity for Declan, but really, the activities for him are limited. But at least I think I got the right idea for next summer!
Believe in yourself. You always get it right. I couldn’t be prouder of you, if you were my own daughter. I know exactly how hard you work.
That is SOOO nice!!! Thank you so much, Susie!!!
You have taken the time, and have the knowledge to succeed.
You definitely have nailed the role now. You are just a top parent. It is important that you schedule enough me time to sustain the energy levels.
That is nice. Thank you. I don’t always feel like I know what I am doing but am pleased when something works out.
I agree with you Robyn being a stay at home mum is not easy 😉 two of my grandchildren are moving up to a much bigger school in another week and both are a bit apprehensive 😩 it tough growing up, I hope your three enjoy their first day back and you enjoy a good run and a bit of me time. 😊
Thank you! Best of luck to your grandchildren too as they start a new year in a bigger school! 🙂
It’s amazing when you look from the outside in, how busy the home life can actually be. I get thanked countless times for being a Marine, deploying, training, fighting, etc..
However, the true hero is the parent staying home, homeschooling children, driving to 24 hours a therapy a week, sports, dance, friends, everything!!! My wife deserve the accolades for allowing me to serve.
Your the real hero, so thank you for everything your willing to do for your children. 👏🏻🙆🏻♂️
Robyn, love your openness, my friend! You’re a good mom, who loves her kids, and they are truly blessed to have you as the perfect mom for them. Perfect, not as in never made a mistake, but perfect as in the mother God chose for your three children! Honestly, I deeply respect your blog, parenting, sincerity, running, reading, work experience…..not sure how you do it all, Robyn! But you always find a way!
That is so nice! Thank you so much, Jeff!
Hey Robyn, I saw the title of your post and I definitely have to check it out, because I have a “mom guilt “ and that is that because of work I don’t have a ton of time to spend with my kids during summer. I mean we had 2 weeks off and we travel to NYC, my kids loved New York, and I try to do always something on the weekends, so between going to the movies, pool, beach, sleep overs and going out to eat I keep them as busy as I could. Anyway what works for you is what’s right, I am glad you find a routine that makes you all happy 😃
Thank you, Zadi! It sounds like you had a very busy summer as well. The schedule really helped us find more relaxing moments than if the kids were to sit around and get on each other’s nerves. Happy they are back in school now. Hope you and your kids have a nice transition into the school year!
Thanks Robyn, we are doing so far so good, my oldest started high school this year so I am kind of stressed, you know lol
I had an unintentionally ‘relaxed’ summer this time around, and you’re in the right! Schedules are a better way to go.
I have left many a summer completely frazzled when everyone else spent their summer the same way but felt relaxed. It was time for some change – I think it did us all good.