“Is This What He Means?”

“Foof it.”

When Bobby was a toddler he used to say the words, “Foof it.”

At first, it took a while for me to understand what he wanted me to do.  I would hand him his food, and he would say, “Foof it.”

After much frustration on both our ends, I figured it out.

“Foof” I guess was the sound I made when I blew on his warm food to cool it down.  Receiving a smile after one successful food cool down on my part, I felt I had decoded the message and passed it to any new person who was hearing the request for the first time.  Eventually, Bobby learned to “foof” his own food and eventually learned to ask for things in a different way with more words.

“Is this what he means?”

About a month ago, we were getting the kids ready for school with some back to school shopping.  School supplies, new outfits, larger pants to fit each growing child.  And new shoes.

At the shoe store we learned something unforeseen.

After Declan’s foot was measured, his shoe size now landed in the big kid section.  A section that no longer carries Velcro shoes.

Once we got him past that concept, Declan picked out a shoe that he thought looked cool.  And the four of us sat around Declan oooohing and aaaaahing at the coolness of the shoe he picked out.

Yet as much as we promoted this new shoe, Declan’s face scrunched up.

“My foot is hot.”

I felt his foot.  The shoe seemed to fit perfectly.  His foot felt normal.  I looked at Declan in thought.

Declan laid down on the bench he was trying the shoe on and just lamented.  “My foot is hooooooot.”

“Okay,” I said, “Let’s get them off.  Do you want these for your back to school shoes, or something else?”

“I want these!!!”

I took the shoes off and handed them to my husband to purchase while I got the shoes he came in back on.

I thought for a bit.  Declan was having a hard time.  It was at the end of the summer.  Off schedule so sleep was way off.  We were at a busy mall which is an agitator.  Best to get home and work the shoe issue out later.

At 7 years old, Declan is still learning to find new ways to express himself.  To get his message across.

As of right now, he wears the shoes.  After trying thinner socks and still hearing, “too hot” I guessed “too hot” meant the shoes were hugging his foot too tightly knowing he has sensory issues.  So, I would tie the shoes loosely – but the laces kept coming untied.  I tried these laces so he could make them as loose or as tight as he wanted.

But I guess someone pointed out they were different (another guess) and he destroyed them.  Right now, these laces are just tied in knots to keep the shoe on his foot.

After talking about his shoes again, we decided to search the internet to find big kid sneakers with a Velcro strap.  Finding a pair, we ordered them with cheers and smiles.  In a wide.

Declan doesn’t know I got them in a wide – I’m just taking another guess about the “too hot” statement.  He’s just happy about a bright blue Velcro shoe.  Great!

“Is this what he means?” is a statement that circulates through my head on any given day when Declan says something perplexing, also when he is not responding the way the statement lands.

After hearing the shoes were “too hot” I thought for sure he wouldn’t want them.  But knowing I could be wrong in my assumption, I asked again.  And he DID want the shoes.

I am never completely certain what his perplexing statements mean.  I can ask more questions and make some guesses, but unless he clears the matter up with more information – I am just guessing.  And I would never venture to say that I know what they mean – that would be me putting words in his mouth or speaking for him.

But I can keep on working to help him find new different ways to get a point across.