Last Friday was Friday the 13th! Declan’s school made a big deal about the date on the announcements. Or, so I can surmise. Maybe they threw in a little “OOOOOooooOOOOOoooo……” when they said the date, because when Declan came home, he had Friday the 13th FEVER.
And I mean, literally, Friday the 13th the movie, fever. (Just to be clear, Declan has never actually seen the movie).
He no longer wants to be Toy Story Woody for Halloween. He wants to be Jason Voorhees. And he spent last Friday night crafting “elaborate” traps to stop Jason from attacking our house.
(“Elaborate” = Declan duct taped a baseball bat to our front door. Dog chains got placed around the kitchen. And the worst trap of all, Declan took a soda bottle out to the street and smashed it so Jason would cut up his feet walking on the street. (Which actually had me out cleaning it up before it hit anyone’s feet!).
It didn’t stop there. “Murder talk” is back. Now, in Declan’s social world, when the fifteen minutes of good happy play have passed and Declan becomes perturbed with his playmate, the threats unfold.
“I’m going to chop you up!”
“I’m going to suffocate you!”
Etc.
And, of course, when he’s mad, he’s mad. He doesn’t care who hears.
When we were secured safely in the car after I had chased angry, murder talking, Declan around the playground yesterday, I laughed at this thought:
“My twenty year old self, witnessing the same situation with someone else, would have scoffed and said “My kids are never going to do that,” Haha….duh!”
What have I learned in my time as a parent?
Kids are unpredictable.
The church we go to is big on giving. Not just money. They want the people that attend the church to give their time. To help serve at the church or in the community.
Quick short videos are created detailing all the different areas of need. All they ask is that you find an area that suits you, and plug yourself in.
I always choose the apartment renovation the church is undertaking to create low incoming housing. I am a worker bee and enjoy being told to “paint this room” or “remove all these baseboards.” It fits me. Each month I sign up and take an older child with me for a Saturday.
Over the summer Bobby went on a weeklong mission trip to the city with our church. Before he departed, he had to choose what area he wanted to serve in for the week. Did he want to do renovations? Yard work? Or work with kids?
“That’s easy. I want to work with the kids.”
Not me. I do better as a worker, not a leader.
Recently I read the book Orphan Train. In the book I found a bit, that as a parent, I could relate to – the description of Dina.
Dina is high-strung by nature. The smallest things get to her. It’s as if she assumes everything will go right, and when it doesn’t – which, of course, is pretty often – she is surprised and affronted.
When I think about my journey as PARENT me – socially anxious, introverted, lover of all things scheduled and predictable, ME – Dina is how I started.
Kids, who are by nature, unpredictable – threw me off my “this is how things are going to go” path. THEN you throw a little autism in the mix, and wow – you just upped the unpredictability factor.
Kids are not little beings set to follow the plan I have set out for them. In the day, or in life.
Kids are unpredictable.
I’ve come a long way.
(Phot credit: Declan, painted himself as Pennywise from the move ‘It’ for our trip to the grocery store)
Many kids go through the Freddy stage. As a kid I went through both the Baron Frankenstein and the Professor Moriarty stage. It will be more amplified with autism added in. Son went through the all things Jason stage. Had an impact on how he would talk with other kids. Then Jason morphed into Manga and the electric chainsaw dropped off the Christmas wishlist. But your so on point about the unpredictability. Order went the moment I became a parent and went completely haywire when Autism said hi.
It kind of blows my mind because Declan hasn’t seen any of these movies. And when he gets into something – well the autism restricted interests sets in – and he GETS INTO SOMETHING. So heavy into horror right now, and really, he hasn’t seen any of them. Haha – yes! Completely haywire when Autism said hi! 🙂
Son had never seen Jason still not sure where it came from. But because of the autism is was all consuming for a few months. I remember school wanting to speak to me because my 7 year old said that he watched Dracula, Frankenstein and Zombie movies. The bit son didn’t tell his teacher was each one was a ScoobyDoo movie.
Oh, that’s funny! That’s a big bit to leave out 🙂 My older two never got into this horror thing. Bobby is scared of his own shadow. Cate likes a scary movie, but it have never been all consuming for her. You are right though – if I remember correctly this happened last year for a few months. Hearing the stuff Declan says makes me cringe – I’ll be excited for this phase to end.
Sean’s cousin once told their grandmother he wanted to be a hitman. 30 years later, she’s still not over it. Did he even know what that meant? Hardly. But kids are fascinated by this stuff. It’s crazy. But I think through their normal development they just experiment with their feelings of mortality and insecurity. Aren’t kids interesting?
That’s what I’m afraid of – some of the stuff Declan says when he is mad is just wrong. He’s going to say it to the wrong person and leave that lasting impression. That’s definitely something to think about – my older two never got into the horror stuff – at least not to this degree. But I bet those feelings do play themselves out somehow!
I love the face paint. I have a picture of Ben with blue eye shadow, which he did himself. Why? “His name is Ben” (that’s our answer to EVERY why when it comes to him)
He didnt catch Friday 13th fever but he stumbled onto Sweeney Todd a while back through a Johnny Depp search🤦♀️ Of course he wants to sing and cut throats.😬 We keep hoping this interest will fade away like the others do…the knives stay hidden.
At least it’s never boring, right?🤪😉😁
Declan lived in a Spiderman costume for years – I guess we’re on a Pennywise kick now (although I would love to see Spiderman again instead 🙂 ). Spiderman, presidents, planets – can’t we go back to something nice and easy? Haha, you’re right – NEVER boring! 🙂
Life in unpredictable 😇
Good point! you’re right! 🙂
Look at the bright side: You are a LOT nicer than Jason’s mother… so you’ve got that going for you. (Yeah, I saw Friday the 13th)
Good to know! Next time Declan gets mad at me and uses his “not so nice” words I will be sure to point this out in my favor 🙂
I think everyone has a basic plan of what parenting will be like, and then the baby shows up and flips the whole plan upside down. My pre-baby idea was that babies came as cute little blobs and that I could help mold their personality. I don’t mean decide and hardwire who they would be, but I thought I had some say in their likes and dislikes, haha! Boy was I wrong 🙂
I agree! I had this whole “my child will never do that” mentality – and a whole list of things I wouldn’t ever let them do, like co-sleep. I realized I needed to stop making rules and just go with the flow – way easier – for all of us 🙂
I like the creative traps Declan set up. And Bobby’s choice to work with children has probably been influenced by his experience with his brother.
They were pretty creative! The glass was a little bit much because of the kids and traffic – but otherwise clever. I think so too. He has a lot of practice in patience.
Great post and great blog as a resource not just for parents of kids with autism but for those who may be unfamiliar with autism and the struggles that come with the territory. I found your blog through Lee Cleaver as I’m preparing to interview him for one of my Behind the Author segments 🙂 Glad I stumbled upon you. Take care and keep it up!
Thank you so much! Oh that is great – Lee is such a positive energy. That should make for a great piece! Good luck to you and take care!
Whether I wanted to control them or not, they will do their thing. I’d really like to “gift” my kids to the strangers who give the judgmental looks or comments, then they can try.
I’ve had that feeling too.
Love this, Robyn! You are truly one of the three blogs I ALWAYS enjoy reading! That has little to do with this post, and I’m not deliriously Friday the 13th Crazy, but you are an exceptional writer, wonderful mother, and genuine as the day is long! Thank you for your positive, open posts! 🥇
Thanks, Jeff! Honestly, Jeff your posts are the same for me. I ALWAYS look forward to seeing on of your posts in the feed. Wonderful heartfelt messages with the kind of humor that gives me side stitches. 🙂