Learning the Rights and Wrongs of Social Behavior

“Are those light sabers?” a little boy asked Declan as the boy rode his bike in the park.

Declan shuffled the four in his hands – all different colors for all different characters – and smiled.

“Yes,” he replied as he caught one before it slid to the ground.

“That kid had a bunch of light sabers,” the boy could be heard saying as he rode away.

Holding Declan’s other toys, we continued our journey across the park to watch Bobby play basketball.

“Oh no!” Declan cried, “I forgot to tell him my name!  I was SUPPOSED to say, “Hi, my name is Declan” but I forgot!”

“That’s okay, bud.  Don’t worry about it.”

“Wait – maybe I wasn’t supposed to say that.  He didn’t ASK me my name.  And he didn’t tell me his.  So, I didn’t need to tell him my name.”

“That’s true,” I said and stared at Declan.

We got to the basketball court and the toys were dropped to the ground.  Declan ran off to the skate park behind the court to pretend he’s the greatest skateboarder of all time.

I turned to watch Declan run up and down the ramps.  Occasionally, he did a twist in the air.

He stopped to watch the boys on their boards.  Seeing one do cool stunts leads Declan to  follow him to talk about the boys’ cool moves.

After conversing with one he is off to another and then returns to his own little world of running and jumping across the ramps.

I return my attention to the game, looking back every little bit to ensure the pleasant skate rotation is in effect.

Until I heard the screaming.

I turn around to see Declan holding his ears in anguish, screaming.  He ran to one boy and hit him on the back and ran five feet away.  He held his ears again, cried out loud and returned to the boy to hit him three more times on the arm.

“Declan, NO!” I shout and began to run over.  Seeing me, Declan stopped hitting and runs deeper into the park.

“I’m sorry,” I said to the boy as I chase after Declan.  Until he stopped.  And stood.

See him out there?

Turns out Declan had stated he was the best fan at the skate park, while the other boy boasted that HE was the best fan at the skate park.  And neither would give up their self-given titles.

A few days later I had Catelyn join me for a workday for our church.  After putting in some hours to help renovate an apartment the church group gathered for lunch.

On her third large slice of pizza Catelyn came up for air.

“WE CAN’T COME NEXT WEEKEND,” she blurted to the gentleman I was speaking with.

Taken by surprise, the man nodded, “Oh yeah?  Doing anything fun?”

Catelyn shrugged and dove back into her massive slice.

I joked about Catelyn’s large appetite for pizza and Catelyn’s plans.

“I WENT TO THE SHORE ONCE WITH MY FRIENDS,” Catelyn nodded, “It was a lot of fun.”

I nodded through the random outburst and continued the conversation about the apartment renovation.

“MOM!” Catelyn burst with a sly smile on her face, “Say “eye” and then spell “cup!””

I gave Catelyn the big Mom eyes and subtly shook my head back and forth, “Not now, Catelyn.”

Catelyn and I were the youngest two people at the renovation.  Did she not realize that talking with adults is different than talking with other tweens?

 

Declan has had a lot of social skills training; Catelyn has had none.

I sometimes forget how MUCH social skills training Declan has been through, what he learns and tries to remember applying – until I hear him problem solve a social interaction.

Sometimes he can figure it out, sometimes he can’t.

And sometimes emotions win.

Catelyn is so high functioning we all just assume she’s picked up how to interact from her experience in and witnessing other social interactions.  Which isn’t always the case.

Sometimes she can figure it out, sometimes she can’t.

Both face their struggles in social situations and are continuing to learn the rights and wrongs of social behavior.