“No One Likes Me.”

“I don’t like school.”

“I don’t want to go to school!”

Tears, lots of tears.

“I don’t feel well.  I need to stay home today.”

Every morning.  Getting Declan dressed down to his socks and shoes.  Tears and laments about the tragedy of the school day that is before him.

I’ve talked about this with his teacher and his therapists – not one of them would have ever suspected he was having such a hard time getting to school.  When he is there he is happy, attentive, on point and ready to please.

This past weekend, and new cry arose.

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.  I don’t have any friends.  No one likes me.”

The loaded dreaded words landed, and I looked at Declan.  He was sitting hunched, criss-cross applesauce inside the dog’s bed.  A perfect frown lay across his mouth and little tears formed in the corner of his eyes.

In short – it was heartbreaking.

I consoled him but was unable to determine if there was an event that occurred to make him feel that way.  I reminded him of the friends I knew he enjoyed playing with on the playground.

And this cry came on a Sunday – a whole day before he was going to have to transition out of the house for the school day.

I reached out to his teacher and confirmed all was well with friends in the classroom and she provided me the names of those he was closest with, so I could talk about his friends with him.  Great.

The teacher did point out, “At recess on Friday I was on duty and noticed Declan was playing by himself.”

Was this the event that troubled him so much?

I thought about playground Declan.  Declan, who doesn’t play organized games.  Declan who doesn’t have the strength to go across the monkey bars or the ability to swing on a swing without being pushed.

Declan who likes to play his scripted YouTube videos “in real life.”  Trouble is – he is the only one that has seen them or knows the words.

Was this inability to connect with his peers causing the feeling no one liked him?

Catelyn opened my eyes to her experience with this issue last year.  In therapy, she was starting to find her voice and began to tell me of things she was unable to before.

She told me, “In second and third grade no one wanted to be paired with me.  When we had to pair, I was always left alone, and the teacher had to put me in a group or make someone work with me.  And they were always upset when they had to work with me.  No one liked me.  It really hurt my feelings.”

Ouch.  I had no idea.

One of the biggest concerns I have for Declan and Catelyn is with social skills.  Both have had their share of problems socializing and have required some assistance learning social cues and about others, in general.

Developing social skills is important, as each child wants to make a friend and connect with a peer.

Thankfully, Catelyn has learned to regulate her emotions with her peers.  She has learned to tame the BIG reactions and the tears.  She has learned to be a flexible friend and has developed a couple of strong friendships.  Cate LIKES going to school to see her friends.

Declan has had some good social interactions but is still looking for a good friend.

“No one likes me” was hard for me to hear knowing that my children already struggle in social situations.  But I am hopeful that with all the support and guidance, Declan will find a good friend – to help build his confidence, happiness – and maybe even one day – enjoy going to school.