“Alright, time to get dressed for school. Let’s see – do you want to wear your red Spiderman shirt or your black one?”
Declan’s face crumpled, “NO, not those!”
“Oh. Okay. Umm, let’s see – you could wear your new Orca shirt?”
“NO!’ Declan yelled and shook his head back and forth, “NO, NO, NO!”
“But why?”
Declan pulled through his shirt drawer. “This one,” he said and held a blue striped shirt for me to put on him.
“Oh, okay,” I said and began to arrange the shirt to go over Declan’s head.
Once I got the shirt on, I asked, “Declan, why won’t you wear your shirts with Spiderman on them anymore? Or the ones with your sea creatures you love?”
I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for. In fact, I didn’t get any answer. Declan just walked away.
This is a daily occurrence. Or, at least, it was. Rarely will I ask if Declan wants to wear a shirt with one of his favorite things on them. I go right to the plain shirts when I am getting his outfit ready for the day.
This was a surprise for me. For three years, Declan dressed in character to go to school. Most of the time, he was Spiderman. But there were a whole host of other characters Declan would dress as to go to school as well. His preschool teachers loved to see who was going to be showing up that day.
And the characters were not just for school. They were who I went to the store with, church, the movies – a character was always by my side.
It was while wearing his costumes, Declan learned about emotions.
If you came to my house a few years ago you would notice one thing.
We lived in a visual world.
“Oh, Declan! You look so sad!” I said putting on my saddest face. “Look!” I pointed to the kitchen cabinet. “You look like you are wearing a very sad face!”
Declan looked at the cabinet with a frown. He closed his eyes and two little tears popped out the side. Then he let out a sob.
Everywhere you looked, there was some visual cue. Some way for us to communicate something with Declan, who had lost his speech, in a way that he would understand. And a tool for him to communicate with us.
We used PECS to create a visual calendar to let Declan know what was happening that day. And a way for him to ask for something.
I also spent a lot of time teaching Declan about emotions. I wrote Declan a story about his emotions.
And on every cupboard in the house there was a picture of an emotion. I would point to it when he or I was expressing an emotion.
The visuals really helped Declan. He learned happy, sad, angry, scared. He could express when he was feeling the emotion.
Last week, Declan surprised me and added to his emotional repertoire.
“Declan, your octopus shirt is so cool. Are you sure you do not want to wear that one?”
“No!” Declan yelled, “I can’t!”
“But, why?”
“I’m too……EMBARRASSED!” He exclaimed and started to cry.
I soothed Declan, told him it was alright, and he didn’t have to wear the shirt. I began wondering what may have happened to cause his feelings of embarrassment.
And then I realized, “Oh my gosh, he just recognized and expressed a complex emotion he was feeling!”
I can’t say I know exactly what may have happened to cause him to no longer want to wear the shirts that don the characters he adores on school days. I hope that he can tell me more about that.
But he was able to identify and express a complex emotion he was feeling. And I am happy he was able to communicate it with me 🙂
What a great idea with the photo book! I’ve tried visuals at home, but no success yet. Love the costumes too!
Thank you! Yes, I found I was using the visuals more to communicate with him, than for him to communicate with me. My goodness, he lived in a costume. He must have 10 Spiderman costumes – all different sizes, stages of wear and with different variations 🙂
That is fantastic even if it is related to embarrassment. What a wonderful new expression
Thank you! Yes, I was upset that it was embarrassment – but super thrilled he could recognize and identify it to me!
I saw a little boy in a superhero outfit the other day in the city walking with his Dad. I told my husband it reminded me of Declan.
Aww, that’s so sweet Anne 🙂 You know, whenever I see something about horses – I think of you!
Wow! YAY Declan! That is such a big accomplishment. Ben still doesn’t communicate his emotions, even happy or angry.
Nothing may have actually happened to cause him to feel embarrassed. My oldest went through a phase in third grade where she would NOT wear long pants because ” every one would make fun of her” HUH? I was very active at school and often on campus and nothing happened, she just got a weird idea in her head and wore shorts and skirts for a year. Luckily in southern California she could do that😁
You know what I think may have happened? So many people work with Declan that I wonder if they used the character on his shirt as an ice breaker into conversation, “Do you like Spiderman? Cool!” I don’t know of course, and don’t want to speak for him, but I wonder if he just felt a little too exposed. But, maybe nothing happened either – you’re right! Hard to tell!
Wow, Declan is growing up! He is obviously interacting more to feel embarrassed which although sad it’s also good 😊
He is 🙂 And expressing more, which is great – you’re right!
Really curious what exactly caused him to experience embarrassment! Am happy he was able to name the emotion all on his own, what caused the actual feeling?
I know – I am happy he was able to name what he was feeling, but I would love to know why as well
Oh my gosh! It’s so exciting when any child makes small steps in the right direction. This seems like a pretty big step to me because embarrassment is sometimes a challenging concept for any young child.
I agree! Embarrassment is a big emotion – It was the first time I heard him use it, and I think he is using it correctly. Wow! 🙂
Declan won the lottery getting you as a mom.
That is really kind – thank you, Jeff 🙂
Hopefully nobody made a mean comment at school or something like that. Does he still have the same degree of interest in the characters and creatures, (talking about them, watching things about them etc) or is it just the shirts themselves?
I know, I agree. He still holds the same interest, but will not wear them. I know he likes to blend in to a room – I wondered if his workers and therapists pointed out the characters on his shirts as an ice breaker into conversation. I see kids in his class wear their character shirts, so it is not odd to wear them – just not sure why Declan won’t? I hope he will explain it to me one day.