Searching Through the Storage Bins

Sometimes I wish God would play a game of “Hot, Cold” with me.

“My dear child, you are warm….getting warmer…..oh no, now you are getting colder…colder….ice cold.  You are ice, ice cold, dear child….”

I have no idea where the item I am searching for is.  But I am certain HE knows.  And since He’s already watching me, couldn’t He just give me a few hints?

In the past week I have turned my house upside down trying to locate an old photo album.

It is a very special photo album.  It was given to me while I was pregnant with Bobby.

After Bobby’s birth I handpicked a select few photos in the first six months of his life that went into the album as photos I thought Bobby would like to see later in life.  A “highlight’s only” perspective.

And if memory serves me correctly, a very disgruntled three-year-old Catelyn wanted to know where HER special album was.  She knew right away something wasn’t right when I smiled and handed her our family photo album that held her first six months.  And eyed Bobby’s special photo album with much distaste.

(I, like many, saw a significant decrease in the number of photos I took of each subsequent child.  Bobby’s special photo album of “Highlights Only” pretty much summed up our family photo albums of Catelyn and Declan’s entire early development).

After watching Catelyn’s squinty, indignant eyes, I believe I hid Bobby’s special photo album.  But as she was only three years old, I believe I hid it somewhere around five feet off the ground.  You know, just out of climbing reach and geared destruction.

Now, I have come to request a photo from that album.  A special photo of Bobby’s baptism.

Bobby was baptized when we were all beginning to move away from polaroid’s and film and moving on to digital cameras.   You can see the images right away!  How cool is that!

I do not think I possessed one of these cameras at the time.  But someone did and was kind enough to get a picture of Bobby getting baptized.

That’s him right there.  Attached to the feet.

Now as Bobby goes through church confirmation a photo of his baptism has been requested to accompany a photo of his confirmation.

So, I hesitate with the one I have.  Of his feet.

Getting baptized CERTAINLY hits the “Highlight” mark.  I am certain I put one of these photos in his special baby book.  MAYBE it’s even one of his face?

But alas, I search and cannot find the photobook anywhere.

In the process of tearing my house apart I came across another special bin that made me take a step back.

The bin of soccer and baseball cleats I was saving for Declan to wear when it was his turn to play.

When Bobby was younger his feet grew a size with every season.  So, I collected his cleats for Declan to wear when he was ready.

I looked at the bin of cleats and started flipping through the sizes.  So many cleats.  Cleats Declan will probably never wear.

I realized life took an autism turn I hadn’t planned for.  Not only did I have a bin of cleats, I came across bins of baseball pants, socks, hockey gear, soccer shin guards, bags, balls.  I was prepared for Declan to play almost any sport.

But I didn’t need those sports bins.  I needed an autism bin.  And in my basement, I didn’t have one of those.

Going through those bins I noticed the life I planned for is different from the life I live.

Know what?  I love the life I live.  Just the way it is.

One thing I’ve learned?  Never say never.  Bobby’s feet are like paddles now in a men’s size 12.5.  Not that all his sports shoes are pass down worthy, but the ones that are will be there if Declan ever wants to wear them and play a sport.    

So, I didn’t throw out the sports bins.  I moved them to the side.

And continued my search for the special photo book.

“Am I warm yet, God?  Please?”