Should I Say This? Learning Social Thinking

“Declan, what is this?” I asked looking at the paper in front of me as I was going through Declan’s backpack.

“Oh!  I wrote a story.”

“I see.  Can you tell me about it?”

“It’s a story about a cat that liked wet food, but the owner wouldn’t give it to her.  So, the cat killed the owner and now is happy in her new house with her wet food.”

I stared blankly at Declan; mouth slightly ajar.

Realizing WE now have a cat that is particular about her food AND that the new happy cat is drawn with a little boy, I boldly asked, “Declan, is this about our cat?”

“NO!  I JUST WROTE A STORY ABOUT A CAT!”

“Okay,” I said and shrugged and continued through his papers.

My thoughts wandered.

“That was one of those weird stories again.  AND he wrote that at school.  I wonder if he told any of his classmates.  They would probably think that is a little weird too.  I guess we should play the game tonight…..”

 

Last year I was helping in the art center in Declan’s kindergarten classroom.

“Okay, everyone!  The letter is “D.”  What did you all draw that starts with the letter “D?”

I went around the circle.  I saw some dogs, a deer, a dandelion.  Then I get to Declan.

I looked quizzically at Declan’s picture.

“Declan, what did you draw?”

“I drew a picture of you dead.  D-D-Dead.  It’s starts with the letter “D,”” he replied matter-of-factly.

I had the same dropped jaw as I took the picture, folded it up and put it in my purse.  I clicked my smile on.

“Okay, great.  Let’s see you draw a dog too!” I offered and redirected the other children in the group.

Then came Halloween this year.

The art station at the school Halloween party asked each child to draw something about Halloween to then be mounted to the wall.

I saw kids drawing candy, pumpkins, jack-o-lanterns – all sorts of cute stuff.

And then I saw Declan’s mounted to the wall.

“It’s a picture of the bad guy, scaring and killing people on Halloween.”

Before he could tell ANYONE else about his scary Halloween picture, I carted him out of the room to go see the next feature.

I was confused.  Declan does not have a violent, aggressive side.  He loves a good scary video – they make him laugh.  But what were other parents or teachers going to think when Declan unleashed his matter of fact death portraits?

Thankfully I have a friend that is a social worker in a school that I went to and asked.  I told her all what Declan had been doing and wondered if I should be concerned.

She calmed my fears.

When Declan was asked to draw what he thought about Halloween, he drew the movie Halloween (not that he has seen it – but he does watch enough YouTube videos to know the movie exists).

When asked to draw something starting with the letter “D” he drew “Dead.” Just what he thought of, no big deal.

Then she directed me to this wonderful game “Should I or Shouldn’t I.”  A game to encourage social thinking and social problem solving.

The game is designed to help kids like Declan determine if their behavior is something that is okay, something that others would think is weird and may keep people from wanting to be around them, and what behaviors were just not okay at all.

To play, I read a question and Declan rates the behavior on a 1-5 scale based on these attributes.

Here are some questions.

Not only that, there are a whole pile of questions to help promote social problem solving.

Not only is the game great at helping Declan decipher how others might see some of his behaviors, or drawings, as weird or scary – they also help Declan with his social behavior that he didn’t even realize was a problem.  Like always talking about sea creatures or now, Presidents.

And after I got alerted that Declan freaked out a classmate after saying something inappropriate, the school began playing with him too.   So now he is learning social thinking at home and school, which is great.

I am very thankful my friend directed me towards this game as it has helped us discuss social thinking and problem solving AND helped Declan realize how some if his own behaviors affect others.  Which is a win, win!