Socialization is Out the Window – For Now

While waiting for another student to enter the zoom session, Declan spoke with his Occupational Therapist.  She was surprised to realize that after two weeks of zooming with his class, Declan didn’t know any of his classmates.

“We aren’t allowed to have our microphones on as we do here,” Declan explained.  “We are supposed just to sit and listen to the teacher.”

Which made me realize, I didn’t know any of his classmates either. I sit with Declan for school and have heard names called, but I do not know what anyone looks like.  When the teacher provides instruction, only four other zoomers show on our screen—four other students in a classroom of twenty-three.

In the school zoom world, peer socialization is out the window.

These days, every time I get in the car and leave my home in the afternoon, I get the following message on my phone:

7 minutes to Park Street.

For the past three months, when lunchtime rolled around, I packed Declan into the car, with our pool supplies and took him to the pool.  My smartphone picked up on my routine.  And when it catches on to my routine, it provides me these helpful, yet spooky, updates.

The alerts sadden me.  It’s not ONLY that I want to be anywhere else besides the virtual classroom. It’s that this pool year was such a change from years past, and I am sad to see it go.

Declan, in his bright red bathing suit (that he picked out), with goggles on his face, noodle in hand, would stand on the side of the pool, staring at the people swimming.  He stared at the ENTIRE pool as THIS year, he proved he could swim or float safely in any area for a short period.  He would stare intently at the kids in the water, looking for a friend he knew, or a group he was about to include himself in.  Once his mark was made, he would start the slow process of wading to the group and enmeshing himself within.

For the first time, Declan was making friends on his own, outside of a controlled setting, like school. Some friendships worked; some didn’t.  But some worked, and that is what mattered.  Declan felt he was a master friend maker.

On the last day of the season, Bob joined us at the pool.  With great anxiety, he watched Declan jump into a group of Marco Polo-ers.  He cringed as the other kids ignored Declan.  How at first, they played around him. He tried to call Declan away; he wanted me to fix it.  He looked around imploringly for anything to help the situation change.

Like a calm sensei, who had already journeyed down this path, I slowly lifted my hand to calm Bob and then pointed to the crowd again.  Declan was playing the game with the other boys.  Granted, he was always Marco – the others were just faster.  There was a good 30 minutes where all you heard was Declan call, “Marco!” across the pool.  But the game never ended.  The other boys kept playing with Declan, and he loved it.

Sadly, the pool season is over.  This was THE pool season for Declan.  The pool season of gained confidence as a swimmer and as a friend maker.

Last Monday, instead of taking Declan’s red bathing suit from the dryer and putting it with the pool items, preparing for the following day, I folded it and put it away in his dresser drawer.  I took out his school clothes instead.

In all of Declan’s private or small group meetings these days, with his OT, speech therapist, or social skills instructor, Declan talks about his summer at the pool how he swam and played games.  About a couple of close friends he made.  And once, when there was a lull in his social skills group, I heard Declan socially swagger with his peers.

“So, Anna.  What major plans do you have bursting this afternoon?”

The social skills teacher congratulated Declan on his unprompted interaction.  Anna was quiet in confusion.  And I quietly snort laughed while listening from another room

There is a loss of social interaction “in the classroom” these days, which is a shame for Declan right now.  After a summer of learning the ropes in the social department, he’s feeling confident, which is excellent. Even if our schools do open for in-school instruction, I don’t know how much socialization will occur.  In the meantime, there are his therapy sessions.  And in nine months, Declan can plop back into the pool, maybe in a bright orange bathing suit, ready to play and make some new friends.