Summer Socializing

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!”  Declan screamed eyes shut, hands over ears.

We were at Bobby’s basketball game.  Right next to the basketball courts is a skate park, where Declan takes his Spiderman Scooter with his Spiderman Helmet to scoot.  With a turn of the head I can watch a basketball game then a scoot around the park.

There are a lot of other skaters there.  Some on bikes, some on skateboards and some on scooters.  During the basketball games, there are various other kids just playing there too.

This trip turned out to be one of Declan’s bad trips.  He always likes to go and hopes that the other friends will be nice to him.  Today, they weren’t.  And he wanted the skate park “DESTROYED.”

“It’s alright, Declan.  I’m not mad.  Just tell me what you said to them.”

Declan sniffed.  “I told them they were skating really good.  They were doing really good.  They must not hear very well.  Because they wouldn’t talk to me.  I think they have something wrong with their hearing.”

I looked at the boys at the park.  They were tweenish.  Maybe they just didn’t know what to say.  Maybe they just wanted to do their tricks.  No one was outwardly mean.

But to Declan, the kid that spends a lot of time learning social skills, this wasn’t how social interactions were meant to go.  And it hurt his feelings. 

Summer Socializing

It’s summer time.

I’ve returned to my post.

Brown bench in between the baby pool and the shallow end of the big pool.  On the right-hand side.  Sitting on a towel to ease the sting of the hot bench.  Watching Declan swim.

I laugh sometimes in my head that the lifeguards must love me.  Yes, I am watching Declan.  But my eyes and ears are on all the bodies in my area.  Maybe by the end of this year I will get an honorary whistle.

Declan is not a good swimmer.  He is more a sinker.  So I am always on watch when he is in the water (and he loves to be in the water).

So, I am watching his safety.  But I am also watching for something else.

Social interactions.   I am monitoring social situations before they go sour.  Like the story above, Declan doesn’t always understand social nuances or discrepancies.

The good news?  He’s trying!  And I love it.

“Who ARE you?” asks one set of goggles to Declan who continues to stand too close and giggle at the goggled boy.

A girl just looked confused to his inquiry and demonstration: “Want to see me swim like a seal?  Aar!  Aar!  Aar!”

And Heaven forbid if someone gets his Spiderman dive toy before he gets to it.  The other person always thinks they are helping only to surface with his toy to get screamed at for moving it before he got there.

We’re working on that one.

But guess what?  Sometimes they work out.

I saw a boy and a girl playing together.  Laughing and splashing.  Declan saw and entered their circle with a head shake and some barks.

The girl stopped and looked at him.  The boy started laughing and barking too.

Perfect.

I watched the three play.  And then the boy invited Declan to the baby pool.  The two sat and demonstrated to the other how they could hold their breath for 100 seconds.  They moved to the water shooters in the baby pool.  Then the boy invited Declan over to his towel.

Declan then saw the girl up at the pool playground and went to play.

And I sat.  On the brown bench in between the baby pool and the big pool.  On the right-hand side.  And watched.

I didn’t want to be on top of Declan.  I wanted him to try to have a good social experience, all on his own.  And he did!

I’m not going to be bringing a chair to sit with the other moms and socialize any time soon.  I’ll be on my bench making sure he doesn’t sink or have a tough social moment.

But I see him trying.  And every now and again, it works out!

And that’s awesome!