The Hypocrite

An eager little face popped itself into its Happy Meal bag and began to search for the cool new toy that lay at the bottom.

When the face reappeared, the eagerness was gone, and disappointment was in its place.

“I already have this one,” Bobby complained as he unearthed and held up his toy package.

Moments later, four-year-old Bobby was at the counter.  From our booth, I saw him put the package on the counter and explain to the worker his problem. The worker took the toy and, moments later, reappeared with a different package in hand.

Bobby bounded back to the table, smiling from ear to ear.

Bobby learned an important lesson that day.

“It never hurts to ask.”

Bobby has taken this message and applied it to the academic world.

In our school district, homework is rarely given out in elementary school.  Instead, children are encouraged to “just be kids.”  They want the kids to play outside, spend time learning life skills like tying their shoes. 

When the kids get to middle school, the amount of work and expectations increase, but the kids are given an adequate amount of time to get the work done at school.

High school comes with a more significant workload and set of expectations.  Homework skills are required that I feel they have never been taught.

For Bobby, school comes easy.  He could easily be a straight-A student if he tried.  The guideline we set as parents was that Bobby was never allowed to get any less than two B’s.  (We do not have the same guidelines for the other children.  We tailor expectations based on the child). Instead of trying for all A’s, Bobby walks into each marking period and kind of picks which two classes he will give “B” effort to. 

Sometimes a different class gives him a more challenging time than he anticipated, and a third “B” is lingering in the shadows.

Which directs Bobby back to his teachers with his “It never hurts to ask” mentality.  For a do-over, a retake, or even extra credit.

So far, Bobby has continued to be able to adhere to the two “B” policy.

A few weeks ago, I met a crying Declan in the upstairs hallway. Laments about not wanting to go to school filled the air.

I have spent many mornings in years past hearing this cry from him, only for Declan to go to school and have a good day.  This year the cries had stopped.  When it was time for him to go back, he never complained until that morning.

When I probed, I found out why.

“They make me take the tests over and over and over again to get a better grade.  With Mrs. R or with the teacher.  I hate it.  All I do is take and retake tests.”

I felt his frustration.  I felt my own frustration. 

Yes, I am a hypocrite. 

If Bobby gets more chances to improve a grade, then great.  His inability to get a good grade the first time is because of a lack of effort. At some point, he’s not going to be allowed to fix a grade.  That’ll be a life lesson too.

For Declan, it is not.  He is trying but unable to learn the material the traditional way. His genuine failing grade reflects his actual knowledge or understanding of the concept.

A failing grade is not a reflection on the teacher. If Declan earns a failing grade that means there is a need that can be met with Declan’s IEP and supportive services.

In the coming years, teachers will change, schools are going to change, expectations are going to change. 

I just hope that for Declan, any particular learning need is identified sooner rather than later, where he may find himself way behind.

And for Bobby, I hope he learns to just do the work on time, correctly, the first time!