“I heard there is a list someone made directing you the order to watch all The Avenger’s movies so everything comes together and makes sense. I should start from scratch because, to be honest, I think I have only seen a handful of the movies. I just saw the first Iron Man last week – I had always thought Tony Stark was just some smart dude in an outfit he built. I didn’t realize something had happened to him at the start to make him Iron Man.”
I was talking with another parent at Declan’s boot camp. We spend many hours together on the sidelines while our kids do their activities. So many hours that we can joke around with each other.
“Well, you’re a stay at home mom.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well,” shrug,” just do what everyone thinks you are doing anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“Watch them. Everyone thinks all you do as a stay at home mom is sit around and watch TV. So just sit around and watch TV. Catch up on the movies.”
“I can’t do that! There are rules in being a stay at home mom! Number one – No TV during the day!”
I did. I made rules.
I was a full-time working mom with two young kids in daycare, ready to burst with my third child, when I decided to become a stay at home mom.
Maybe it was my attitude towards stay at home moms. Maybe I thought they somehow had it easier. Maybe I thought they sat around and watched TV all day.
Isn’t that what the perception is, as my friend so pointedly joked about? That stay at home mom’s laze on a couch with glazed eyes staring at a TV while toddlers toddle around?
When I decided to stay home, I also decided I wasn’t going to be that perception. I made rules.
No TV for me was at the very top of the list. No books were right behind it. (If you know me, you know turning off the TV isn’t that hard for me. I don’t really watch TV. I love my books).
My logical mind attacked the transition to staying at home as I attack any other thing.
Logically.
I was leaving a job to start another job.
I had decided I was going to parent hard and have these perfect little children. I was going to do really well at my job. I was going to make decisions, solve problems, prioritize. That’s how it works at a job. Do really great at your work, get a high reward, right?
I realize now, of course, that I was a “mom”oron. That my kids aren’t an organization. They’re kids.
Kids with little personalities. And parenting is more than a job – with very different rewards.
If I think about my rules when I started, well – they were stupid.
Over time my rules have changed:
1. Chill out
2. Don’t overreact
3. Learn to laugh more
4. Stop saying no all the time
5. If your child wants to sit and do ANYTHING with you (even watch TV) then do it!
Staying at home was not easier. Just different. I learned it’s 24/7 childcare, chores, cleaning, errands, appointments and cooking with a ton of its own challenges. I am a different parent than I was when I started. And even though I won’t sit down and watch all The Avengers movies during the day to catch up in Marvel world, I will continue to work on my newer list of rules.
And maybe I will just sneak a new movie in with a child here and there and not worry what anyone else thinks about it 😊
Enjoy being at home, and what is best for you.
Thank you, Susie!
Being a Full Time Mom is a Full Time Job. and having read your blog for awhile now I think you are doing a great job at this job!!
Thank you so much, Anne!
Been on both sides, now am simultaneously both depending on the day. My only rule is ‘whatever works.’ Especially when it means blog instead of clean! 😀
That is a good rule – going to have to go with that one too! 🙂
‘Go with the flow’ is pretty much the only never-changing rule. 🙂 I can’t tell you how many days I try to follow my list of priorities; only to have a boy call with something he needs RIGHT NOW, then one gets sick, then the car has something…
That’s probably the best rule. I’m going to go with that 🙂
Watch movies all day? A chance would be a fine thing! You have a great attitude, Robyn, and yes, it is harder work staying at home. I had intended to go back to work when Nathan started school but there’s no childcare for autistic kids over here, so that was out. That’s why I signed up to do a History degree and work towards being a medieval historian when Nathan’s older. So for me, it’s study, rush round the house trying in vain to do something to make it resemble tidiness, then 3.5 hours of school run per day. Evenings consist of more studying, feeding everyone and avoiding ironing, before falling asleep in the 20 minutes I get to put my feet up around 11.15pm. TV? What’s that? 🙂
Thank you, Alli! Same! I was never sure where I could have Declan go if I were to go back to work. Our days are so busy, especially for you being in school! That is great! 🙂
It is great because I’m heading for my dream, but it’s shattering too! Still, it’ll be worth it… 🙂
Stay at home mothering is the ultimate sacrifice in this day and age; but, in my humble but grandiose opinion, it is best for the children if one of the parents stays at home… at least until school starts. My ex was a stay-at-home mother. She worked hard and concentrated on our kids above all else. My friends asked if I felt cheated after she left after supporting her financially for fifteen years.
I can’t say that I do. The boys turned out great.
That’s awesome. I think there is a value in me being here, although it is sometimes hard to see.
If I told Eli I was going to binge watch the Avenger movies in order he’d be next to me the whole time. I’ve only seen a few, including Guardians of the Galaxy on Sunday night, but I’ve heard enough plot synopses to be up to date. The only thing Eli has talked about for the past two weeks is Endgame
Yeah, I started at the end. I think the first one I saw was Thor Ragnorak, then the Guardians, and then the one before Endgame. And I just saw that one too – it was pretty good!
They’re too complex for my old analog mind.
You’ve done it now. I’m trying to time sequence all the marvel movies now….. Maybe I was lucky I didn’t get time to transition into the new home role. It just happened. I suspect that why it’s still so disorganised, I really wish I could be as logical as you are.
I’m all head, all logic. It definitely has its drawbacks. I don’t know if time would have helped me – I thought I was ready and was still in for the same surprise you got 🙂 Watching all the Marvel movies sounds like it would be fun. My friend said that Thor was kind of a jerk in the first two. I really liked his humor in the one I saw. I still might take on the endeavor though. Have you seen them all?
Apart from The Iron Man Trilogy -Yes.
That’s tiredness talking. Clearly the answer is NO still 3 to see. Sorrt.
I gotcha 🙂 Get some rest 🙂
Robyn, you went from a stressful job to a more stressful job….a job with less than perfect pay to a job with no monetary pay (but extremely high in dividends!)…a job where people think you do something to a job where some say you do nothing….a job that can impact a lot of people for a few minutes to a job that will impact children and family for generations! It’s like a Mission Impossible assignment…if you chose to accept this assignment. You chose to make a difference, and even when you don’t overtly see the impact, you are changing, day in and day out, the trajectory of your children’s lives! Bravo on accepting the stay at home assignment as an undercover world changer!!
Thank you so much, Jeff!
My kiddo is only 3 years old, and my “rules” have already changed at least a hundred times! I feel this so much. I was one of those people who thought stay-at-home moms were lazy, until I decided to do the job myself. I know I should let criticisms roll off my back, but it still drives me crazy to hear the question, “What do you do all day?” or to have people in my life expect me to be available at all times, because “How are you busy? You’re just at home all day.”
Yes! The assumptions are the worst. I guess I did it too, and then I stayed at home. Now I know how hard it can be!
I think you’re doing an amazing job. I don’t have any hard rules for being a stay at home mom. I figure people will judge and call me lazy anyway, what do I care what they think? My house is clean, my kids are cared for, and I have a blog empire to get running. If I can watch Iron Man 2 later while folding the stupid laundry I never folded over the weekend because of yard work, I call that winning! -Also, people who really believe stay at home moms sit around doing nothing all day have obviously never cared for a 1.5 year old. There is little to no sitting involved. 😆 Or maybe I’m overdoing this whole mom thing? Jk. Lol
Thank you! I hear ya – for some reason I was going to try and fight the stereotype – problem was no one was looking (because no one cared – they already had their assumptions). You’re right! There is no sitting involved 🙂 Thank you!
I love that you are pushing through the stereotypes though. Much as I blow it off, the stereotype that moms sit around is annoying. I rarely take the time to sit and watch something of my choosing. And when I do, I’m almost always doing something else. I hope you keep fighting! (But maybe, every once in a while, you do sneak in a movie you like. Because you can.) 💜
I’m a stay at home mum. It’s not easy although I do occasionally treat myself to an uninterrupted bath. Funny how small things become big treats 😂
Hahaha – That is true! 🙂
I’m also a SAHM. I never watch t.v. during the day. I don’t even have cable because it would be. Huge waste. I prefer books over t.v too, or even Youtube videos. I always think I’m gonna have time to work on art or sewing projects then after I cleaned up the house, went to the store, went to an appointment, took a conference call, went to post office I realize I have five mins to get to the school to pick up my boys. School days fly by! I run a home business, my fiancé has a business and we have five kids between the two of us. I NEVER have time for t.v
Sometimes my husband will ask what I am doing on a certain day – and just like your list it boils down to “everything.” So busy!
My rules slowly changed with one kid, now they are fully out the window with two!
Oh yes! I can relate with that 🙂
Full time mom of 5 here. It’s amazing the misconceptions people have of being a stay at home. It’s a never ending job, rewarding, but never ending. I had a ton of rules for myself when I became a stay at home mom as well but as the years have gone by and I’ve added more children to the family, I’ve learned to do what feels right and that my “rules” don’t need to be followed 100% of the time. So now my number one rule is to just enjoy being home with them. A day will come when my house is spotless and my tv is off and everything quiet.
That is a great rule!
I agree with your new rules! I have to tell myself the same thing a time or too. Good read, thanks!!
Two. 🙈
Thank you!!
The best and most challenging job in the world!
I agree – well said!