The Safe Place

I peeked around the wall to the front room and saw Declan standing on his trampoline, staring at his phone, sifting through different videos, with earbuds in his ears.  His scrolling stopped as he chose a song.  The phone went down, and suddenly, Declan exploded into the air, coming down on his trampoline with all his might.  The springs began to squeak in a steady rhythm to Declan’s jumps and were drowned out only by Declan’s happy sounds and squeals of delight.

I slunk back into the kitchen and picked up my mug of hot tea and my phone.  I tiptoed into the living room and nestled on the couch, gently placing my mug on the coffee table.  I picked up the remote and listened for the steady squeak of the trampoline’s springs. I turned the TV on and dropped the volume to the single digits.

As the squeaks continued, I scrolled through the listings to see what was on TV.  I settled on Working Girl, a favorite movie of mine when I was younger.  I smiled as Joan Cusack delivered her iconic line, “Sometimes I dance around my apartment in my underwear.  Doesn’t make me Madonna, never will.”

Then I jumped a foot in the air to hear a little voice next to me.

“Oh!  You’re watching TV! Let’s put on something we both like.”

Since the list of movies Declan likes is relatively small, finding one “we both liked” really meant “which movie is Declan watching over and over again RIGHT NOW.”

The remote was confiscated, and the sounds of Frozen filled the air.

“Great,” I said with as much enthusiasm I could muster.

Only four movies have made it to Declan’s repetitive movies list.  Aladdin (the original, of course), Big Hero 6, Toy Story (only the first one will do), and Frozen.

These days, it’s Frozen. 

Every. Day.

Since Declan is such a thoughtful fellow, I did try to tell him once that I did not want to watch Frozen and was hopeful to watch some adult TV.  Maybe – just MAYBE – Declan put on Frozen for ME thinking he was doing me a favor?

His look spoke volumes.  Adult TV is not something “we both like.”  Frozen is something “we both like.”

I use the phrase only slightly lightly. My kids have all enjoyed some atrocity of a movie or show I have been forced to sit through.  As far as Frozen goes in the scheme of things, well, it’s not that bad. I am sure things could be worse.

Recently, as my shadow found me hiding sitting on the couch one night, enjoying my five minutes of adult TV, Declan hesitated before putting Frozen on for us to watch. 

It turns out, Declan mentioned Frozen to his peers on the playground that day. In song or play, I’m not sure.  But the reaction he received was negative.

Frozen was deemed “Not Cool.”  Not only that, Declan watching a little girl’s movie about princesses trying to find true love’s kiss was seen as really “Not Cool.”

Where my bigger kids have moved on each year to age-appropriate likes or interests, there are specific interests Declan enjoys which have not changed. 

Namely his movies, his diet, his trampoline, and his love for certain kid videos on YouTube.

I know these are the things that make Declan happy.  Relaxed.  The routine things that bring him comfort when he has to get through so many uncomfortable things each day.

When Declan hesitated to turn on Frozen, we talked about how everyone likes different things.  To just be yourself and do what makes you happy.

Frozen was turned on to a contented Declan after he concluded, “I can still like Frozen.  I just don’t need to talk about it on the playground.”

Whatever it takes. Declan knows there is a safe place on the couch next to me each night.  For us to watch something “we both like.”  I may grudgingly watch the same movie every day for what feels like forever.  But I do like being the safe place Declan can go to relax and be himself.