The bus pulled to a stop in front of our house. Declan stood from his seat and began to talk to the bus driver.
“I’m just going to kill lantern flies, not insects.”
“Okay! Sounds good!”
Declan stepped off the bus and handed me his book bag.
“Hey bud! How was school?”
“Mom, I am not going to kill insects anymore. JUST lantern flies.”
“Okay, yeah – we’re supposed to kill those.”
“If there is an insect in the house, I am just going to put a cup over it and take it back outside.”
“Okay. So, did you talk about insects at school today?”
“No.”
“Did you talk about the lantern flies?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
My first interaction with Declan after he gets off the bus from school always brings a smile, sometimes of confusion, to my face.
I opened the front door and Declan passed through, taking off one, then two shoes. Then he bent over to start on the sock removal.
“Well, your schedule is on the table. Go check it out.”
Declan scurried over to the table and giggle flapped as he read through each item.
- Wash hands
- Jump on trampoline
- Mommy’s phone time
- Eat dinner
- Pick up Bobby from afterschool activity
- Play
- Drop Bobby at Football
- Drop Catelyn at soccer
- Play at soccer fields with mommy
- Go to Wawa for a soft pretzel and small ice cream
- Watch mommy’s phone while we wait for Catelyn to be done.
- Bring Catelyn home
- Take Shower
- Jump on trampoline
- Brush teeth
- Read
- Bed
Play = outside play WITH Catelyn, jump on trampoline, watch device, or play video games
The Schedule
This school year I added a new piece to our daily routine. I made Declan an evening schedule.
Through the years Declan has used a visual schedule at home and at school.
As he aged, we went away from the schedule at home. I thought the expectations/routine were generally known.
I realized (in hindsight) there was still a lot of confusion and stress when I would ask Declan to do something – even as simple as “brush your teeth.”
Declan HATES transitions. Stopping any preferred activity to start a new activity always brings a wave of stress and tears. Which always gets me upset and stressed.
So, I went back to the good old days and put it into a schedule.
Some days the schedule works great. Declan comes in, reads his schedule and happily partakes in each event, scratching off each item as he completes them.
Bathed, teeth brushed, reading – all done.
I feel like a real genius on those days.
Today’s schedule? A dream. There was a lot of excitement over #10 of course, but hey – when Declan is forced to play “passenger” to his sibling’s busy activity/sports schedule – I do like to give him a little treat.
But kids are unpredictable, and as happy as I can make a schedule on any given day, sometimes Declan will just rip the schedule to shreds.
Usually those days are bad all around. And as much as I would like to throw chaos to the wind, I try to remain a predictable parent.
Our evenings are busy, and with a written schedule, they are more predictable for Declan. They decrease stress and help Declan prepare for an upcoming transition.
On the flipside, I enjoy less stress and find greater success in having a task completed when it is on the schedule. It’s quick to put together, it’s easy – and when it works, it WORKS.
That’s success!
Just reading the schedule made me tired. How in the world do you do all the things you do? Super Mom indeed!
I guess I keep forgetting that I had busy busy busy-ness in my life when my daughters were growing up and my ex’s events and my full time job. I keep forgetting that I’m in my 50s and parenting again (still) and it’s not surprising that I’m slowing down.
A schedule is the only way to keep track of who needs to do what, where and when. I like #10 too😉💌
Yeah, I think it’s great the kids want to get involved in different activities – they just need rides. And poor Declan gets carted all over the place for his siblings. Not every day is that busy but overall the schedule is really helping to stop the fighting over what he needs to do. Today eating pizza and watching a movie on our TV will be on the schedule – but shower and brushing teeth still remain. I can’t believe it took me so long to figure this out. The schedule has really helped!
I am having trouble accessing your site to read the whole post. I have tried several ties clicking on the “visit” and also on “autism in our next” and on “Robyn” and I keep getting a message that the page is “suspended”.
Ok I changed computers and here I am no problem. I think it may have been an internet problem. We live in the middle of the country and have internet by satellite so it is sometimes odd. I like schedules too.
Whew! Okay glad it worked – I was wondering if I upset WP 🙂 Me too! Having a schedule written out for Declan to see really has helped cut down fighting over things like “brush your teeth.” Thanks Anne!
That certainly is. When my granddaughter has a bad day at school, it takes the whole evening to get her to calm down.
Oh my goodness, yes. We have a had a few of those days and boy, they do wear on you. Twice in the past two weeks I have been frustrated to tears trying to ease Declan’s anger/mood in the evening. It just goes on all night long. So hard.
I surely understand ♥️
You are the best!
Declan is lucky to have a mom like you.
That is very kind – thank you!!
You are welcome
“…Usually those days are bad all around. And as much as I would like to throw chaos to the wind, I try to remain a predictable parent….”
I KNEW you’d say that…
PREDICTABLE! You are so funny 🙂
I see your super powers are in find working order. You have got me thinking. We dropped the evening schedule a while back. Not sure why. It really does reduce stress and anything which brings order is a blessing. It’s a pizza and TV for son as well. What cool stuff is it. For son it’s a margarita pizza and Chicken Run. Hope you find some time for yourself.
I know! For some reason if I say, Okay now we need to do this – even if it is “go to bed” or “brush your teeth” it can be a meltdown. The schedule has been a blessing so far. Declan likes pizza “with the little black dots on it” (aka Dominos) and only that kind of pizza. I’m not sure what movie he is going to pick – although I am betting he is going to try and push the scare factor a bit 🙂
Schedules never get old! I’m an adult and ok mine doesn’t look like Declan’s, but there’s something comforting about knowing what’s coming up, in what order etc. I used to think I made them so I could stay organised, but I’ve learned there’s more to it than that. Sometimes life happens, but when you have a certain amount of control over your time and can see in advance how a day or week is going to look, it takes away the unexpected surprises that can end up feeling really stressful. I’m glad it’s helping Declan too, at least on some days.
Yes that is what I feel too. I really like my schedule for the same reason. And I think having it written down and easy for Declan to see really helps him reduce his stress over evening activities and what is expected of him. Really helps!
Great idea! Yeah; I take a phone picture of the job list or schedule for when they decide they’re upset and rip it.
That’s a good idea too! The schedule isn’t going to disappear even if the paper does. The kids still need to be places. Photo evidence would help!
Robyn, my daughter sent be a great link on S.P.D. Thought I would let you know.
I saw – that is really great. It really connected with a lot of people! Declan was being treated for SPD before he was evaluated and diagnosed with autism. There is such a close link that lots feel the two diagnoses should coincide. Or that SPD is inherent in an autism diagnosis. I have a sensory seeker – for impact (not sound) in Declan and a sensory avoider (clothes, food) in Catelyn. It really is amazing. And sensory issues were something I had NO IDEA about when I had kids. It really is great the information is getting out there. It makes seeing kids like Declan who walk around with ear phones on more understandable.
My granddaughter wears them too, and has her soft pajamas under her school uniform.