The Signs of Autism I Missed

“Oh my gosh!” I cried as I walked into the room “Declan, stop!”

I stood in horror.

Declan was smiling, handling pieces of broken glass.  His fingers were quickly dripping blood all over the carpet like little sprinklers.

I took the pieces of glass in his hand, threw them to the floor, picked Declan up and ran him to the bathroom.

As I ran his fingers through cold water, I saw he had a multitude of tiny cuts all over his hands.  That did not want to stop bleeding.

NONE OF THIS made Declan cry.  Declan cried when I wrapped his hands in a towel to stop the bleeding and made him sit.

He HATED to sit.

Declan had left the kitchen I had been in, making dinner.  I was alerted to his absence seconds later when I heard the picture frame fall from a dresser upstairs.

Declan had seen the picture on top of the dresser and wanted to sit up there to look at it.  On his journey up, the frame must have fallen.  And no longer interested in the photo, Declan became interested in the shiny broken glass.

(This was also what started us removing all the dresser drawers from all the dressers in the house and stacking them in the corner of a room.  For TWO YEARS we lived without drawers in our dressers.  And since then, I still do not put pictures on top of dressers).

Declan was 18-24 months when I walked in the room to see him dripping hundreds of droplets of blood all over the floor – and all I could think was – what the heck is happening with Declan?

The subtle signs of autism I missed

Recently I read an article a mother wrote about the signs of autism she missed in her son.  And it got me thinking.  I have a list of my own.

1. High Pain Tolerance – Catelyn and Declan had VERY HIGH pain tolerances. Declan never cried with all those cuts.  Once he put his hand in my moving treadmill and by the time I got the treadmill stopped and his hand out he had some bad burns.  No tears.  Catelyn never cried getting any shot.
2. Need for movement – Declan NEVER liked to sit. When my kids were babies, I always strapped them in a portable swing while I took a shower.  At five months, Declan threw himself out of it.  I peeked out of the shower curtain to see his body contorted – half on the ground, half in the swing.  Of course, no tears.  Same happened with the bouncy seat.
3. Sensory issues with soft touch – “I’m sorry he won’t let me hold him.” Every woman that saw baby Declan and wanted to get her baby fix would soon be saying this sentence to me.  I would watch them try to hold Declan only to have him cry, trying his hardest to wriggle or throw himself out of their hands.  Yet men could hold him.  When he was older, I realized he HATED soft touch – it was if his skin was set on fire if he were touched softly.  Men must have given him the deep pressure he so enjoys to this day.
4. Low muscle tone – I thought Catelyn was and is the clumsiest thing. I have always been amazed at how she can fall while standing still.  Fall while in motion.  Declan can’t walk a distance at all without needing to sit down.
5. No pain = No fear = No safety awareness. Now I know he was young, but I guess since Declan didn’t feel pain, he didn’t worry about getting hurt and had no fear.  Declan would climb to get to the top of everything.  Not only did we take all the dresser drawers out, but the kitchen chairs turned into portable ladders for him and got moved to the garage.  Honestly, for about six months (when he was 18-24 months old) we ate standing up.  Anything sharp got moved to the garage.
6. Repetitive behaviors – Declan never played with toys. Toys to Declan included going around to take all the door stops out of the wall.  Getting a hold of a roll of toilet paper just to watch in unroll.  Trying to climb the curtains (which were also taken down all around the house (and stayed down for years)).  Dumping toy bins out just to stare at the wondrous colorful mess.  Declan had a deep need for routine.  Not only in his day, but in things like travel.  If we went to a place he knew by a different road than the one he was used to – a meltdown ensued.
7. Sensory issues – I didn’t know how loud, how bright or how funny a place may have smelled. When Declan was a baby that kind of thing never occurred to me.  So, I was always so confused why I was carrying a screaming child out of a store, most of the time, without the things I had gone to purchase.
8. Speech – Declan had a lot of language for his age at 18 months. By the time he turned 24 months, all his speech was gone.  Catelyn developed a huge vocabulary of sentences as a child.  I would always have to explain to others that Catelyn did not know what she was saying, she was just repeating sentences she heard on TV completely out of context.
9. Attachment – Catelyn was my youngest to go into daycare at about two months of age. Through the years, Catelyn has never had an issue leaving me to go into any classroom.  But when she was a baby I often wondered if she knew I was her mother.  She showed no signs of recognition of me when I returned to her, no excitement.  It hurt my feelings at the time and I always joked with the daycare workers that she liked them more than me.
10. Sleep – When Catelyn was an infant I took her to the Dr. and told them “she doesn’t sleep.” They assured me she did, I just didn’t realize it.  She didn’t sleep.  Along came Declan and more severe sleep issues entered.

These are just some of the signs of autism I overlooked when my children were babies.  I thought the behaviors were odd but didn’t think anything more of them.  Were they meeting their milestones?  To me they were.  They all sat at six months.  They all walked by ten months.  They were all uttering at least one to two words at a year old.

Did they crawl?  No, but they moved.  Doesn’t that count?

Did they point to objects?  I really have no idea.  I wasn’t looking for those details.  Now, I wish I knew.

These behaviors added onto a lot more to get an autism diagnosis.  And not every child with autism has had these same issues.  It really is what makes autism unique to each individual.

But for us, once the children were diagnosed with autism, all these other eccentric behaviors began to make more sense.

I am always forever grateful for the pediatrician who did not excuse these behaviors and recommended I have Declan evaluated.  That I had Catelyn evaluated.  Because once they were diagnosed, the behaviors made a lot more sense and we could support their needs.  Understand them a little better.  And hopefully raise two happy individuals!