Third Child Parenting Style

“Okay, little man – here’s a secret for you,” I leaned in and whispered to baby Declan.

“You are my third child.  Know what that means?  You’ll get away with WAAAAAY more than Bobby and Catelyn EVER did!  Now, it’s not that I don’t care.  It’s just that I care WAAAAY less about stuff I thought was important then.  So, yay!  Good for you!”

And little baby Declan nestled off to sleep.

Six years prior, I was having Bobby.  And I was a bundle of “have to’s.”

“No bottles, I have to nurse for better brain development.  No TV before bed.  Read books.  No sleeping in my bed – once I let him in, he will never sleep on his own again.  Give the liquid vitamins the entire first year – then the chewables, never the gummies – we do not want to ruin his teeth!  Cut the food up into tiny, tiny pieces – he could choke!  Make sure to buy educational toys only.  Must follow a routine to establish bedtime.  He MUST have a bedtime.  We will put him in this daycare – they say they will teach him to speak another language!  Water down that apple juice by half – it is way to sugary….”

The list went on and on and on….

And I was always secretly sooo happy that Bobby’s first sentence was, “That’s too dangerous…”  Someone would try to get him to do something innocuous, and with eyes big he would spill the sentence.  I would shrug in wonder.

YES, HE LEARNED IT FROM ME. 

NO, I never admitted that. 

I hovered, I steered, I directed play, I was a playmate.  I never left him alone.

Guess what?  In present day, he is my only child that is always asking me, “What are we going to do now?”  And I know where he got it from.  Since I always created his activities, he continues to look to me to entertain him! 

Catelyn came along and micromanaging all those details for two kids was tough.  But I sure as heck gave it my best shot.

Then came Declan.

I had proverbially thrown in the towel. 

Yet as much as I wanted to stand back and just let him do his thing, I couldn’t.  His thing would make me screech.  He was a danger to himself – and never even realized it.

Declan was diagnosed.  Declan was supported.  My parenting concerns shifted.

I wasn’t thinking about what sports Declan was going to play.  I was thinking about what therapies to put him in.

I wasn’t worried about Declan not being at grade level.  I was worried about his aggression in school.

At home, parenting Declan has been different.  I have needed to be more hands on.  Yet seven years later, I think I have finally achieved the third child parenting style I had originally planned for Declan.

I noticed it the other day when I was going through the pictures on my phone.  And I kind of chuckled at what I was seeing.

The old me: We will sit and eat dinner together as a family every night.  And there will be PLENTY of vegetables.

Now: Eating his dinner of noodles in front of the TV BOUNCING on his ball – hey, that is pretty clever!

The old me: The kids don’t need a lot of STUFF.  Less is best.

Now: A trampoline for every floor?  YES!

The old me: Well, to be honest, I don’t think I ever SAID this, but hey, here it goes – The kids will never sit on the stove.

Now:  I guess he got tired bouncing and took a break on the closest seat he could find.  Clearly the chair is farther away.

And remember all the rules I had around sleep?

Now:  Is he asleep?  Praise the Lord!

I may have to be more hands on with Declan.  That’s okay.  But I think I have definitely realized one thing –

I feel I have finally achieved that third child parenting style I had tried for all those years ago!

And it is WAAAAAY more relaxing.  For all of us! 😊