This is How It Always Is, by Laurie Frankel Parenting Quotes

Recently I read the book, This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel.  In the book the parents, Penn and Rosie, are raising five boys.  From a very young age it becomes clear the youngest child is very different from the rest and the parents are faced with many tough parental decisions.

While reading the book I found myself reflecting on some passages.  As I am a parent raising three children, two of them different from the third and still different from each other, I felt I could relate to these characters.

And since this is a parenting blog – I thought I would share.  So here you go – a handful of quotes from This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel:

“Not ever. Not once. You never know. You only guess.  This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands. Who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future.”

“For my child, for all our children, I want more options, more paths through the woods, wider ranges of normal, and unconditional love.”

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“Such a tough life. This is not the easy way.”
“No,” Penn agreed, “but I’m not sure easy is what I want for the kids anyway.”
She looked up at him. “Why the hell not?”
“I mean, if we could have everything, sure. If we can have it all, yeah. I wish them easy, successful, fun-filled lives, crowned with good friends, attentive lovers, heaps of money, intellectual stimulation, and good views out the window. I wish them eternal beauty, international travel, and smart things to watch on tv. But if I can’t have everything, if I only get a few, I’m not sure easy makes my wish list.”
“Really?”
“Easy is nice. But it’s not as good as getting to be who you are or stand up for what you believe in,” said Penn. “Easy is nice. But I wonder how often it leads to fulfilling work or partnership or being.”
“Easy probably rules out having children,” Rosie admitted.
“Having children, helping people, making art, inventing anything, leading the way, tackling the world’s problems, overcoming your own. I don’t know. Not much of what I value in our lives is easy. But there’s not much of it I’d trade for easy either, I don’t think.”

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“These kids, her multitudes, they could grow up. They could move Away. They could—they would—become new, become changed, become actual adult people in progress, people she wouldn’t recognize, people she could not imagine. People remade. They would undergo miracles. They would transform. They would make magic. But they were her story, hers and Penn’s, so however wide they wandered, they would always be right here.”

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“Parenthood is like that.  The harder the choice, the less likely any of the options are good ones.”
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“I wish for my child, for all our children, a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved, blessed, appreciated selves.”

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From the author –

“The novelist in me was inspired by the metaphor too, how no matter the issue, parenting always involves this balance between what you know, what you guess, what you fear, and what you imagine.  You’re never certain, even (maybe, especially) about the big deals, the huge, important ones with all the ramifications and repercussions.  But alas, no one can make these decisions, or deal with their consequences, but you….

The novelist in me is inspired by how much raising children is like writing books: You don’t know where they are going until they get there.  You may think you do, but you’re probably wrong.  Corralling and forcing them against their will to go where you first imagined they would isn’t going to work for anyone involved.  Never mind you’re the one writing and raising them, they are headed in their own directions, independent of you.  And scary though that is, it’s always how it should be.”