This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Robyn Autism, Fun, Parent, parenting 27 Comments
Font Size

This past week I have had Taylor Swift on my mind.

Not really Taylor, herself.  Just the words to one of her songs.

And since Catelyn (and my husband) are full fledged Swifties – I know all the lyrics.

This is why we CAN’T…..HAVE…..NICE…..THINGS…..

I hum a few more lines, and go right back –

This is why we CAN’T…..HAVE…..NICE…..THINGS…..

Why?

In a matter of just a few days I have found myself in shock, asking one pertinent question.

Which always begins with, “Declan!  Did you?”

“Declan!  Did you write one the house?  With a SHARPIE?”

DSC_0001 (1)[1]

“Declan!  Did you scratch an “X” into the dining room table?”

20190909_143424[2]

“Declan!  Did you write all over my new computer?”

20190909_144157[3]

“Declan!  DID YOU SCRATCH AN ‘X’ INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAR?!?!”

DSC_0002[2]

Two months of two broken sofas after Declan used them as trampolines, insisting his actual trampoline wasn’t bouncing right.

20190909_143356[1]

And stabbed, picked a part furniture when hands were idle but mind was entertained on electronics.

20190909_151646[1]

And I was honestly shocked as I sat in my bedroom closet putting my socks on this morning to lean over the vent and find a half chewed apple.
1568054999551[2]I didn’t even ask about the apple.  I just accepted there was a half chewed, now semi dried from all the cold air, apple in my vent.

When I come to Declan with complete shock/wonder on my face, asking about each new atrocity, I am faced with the same response.

“Huh?  Oh, sorry.”

“Well,” I shrug and think, “he said he was sorry…….”

King Ben’s Grandma tagged me on a quote challenge for imagination.  I really couldn’t find a better fit:
476bf9df3a7dee3e5ec7de07c5d87d66[1]

I know Declan isn’t trying to hurt our things.  He’s just in his own world, in his imagination, in his mind acting out his thoughts.

The good news is that Declan’s destructive tendencies have gotten A LOT better in the past five years.  Years ago I came into a room to find an ottoman completely shredded by a fork.  He wasn’t mad, he was just in his mind and completing a repetitive motion.  He doesn’t do that anymore.  Maybe in ten years we’ll be able to opt for some new nice things.

In the meantime I accept the randomness of the destruction, hum a catchy song and smile at my situation.  And it is always nice when you find someone who can relate.

68954175_2523488237697056_7949602689548025856_n[1]

(I love the Bacon and Juicboxes family – you can find and follow their autism journey on Facebook!)

Photo by Raphael Lovaski on Unsplash

 

 

 

27 thoughts on “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”

  1. You have such a great attitude, Robyn. But things are getting better and will continue to do so. We’re quite lucky with Nathan because he’s not really destructive. The worst thing he’s done in recent years is to eat a picture of a character called Kirby that Maddie had drawn him(!) Goodness knows what drove him to it, but he instantly regretted it and started asking if Maddie would do him another picture of Kirby. She did do him another – much better one – which she finished while we were in Wales. But this time we framed it and it’s now sitting happily on his bedroom wall. You’re right though, they’re just doing their thing at the time. You’ll be able to fill your home with nice things before long… 🙂

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Alli! You do too! Always a wonder what is going on their heads but I do just trust they are just doing their thing. I’m not too fancy, but I would like to replace something just once. Thank you, Alli! 🙂

      Reply

  2. I love this, especially how you worked the quotes in. A multi-tasking mom move, for sure!👍👏

    Yeah, nice things…not gonna happen. Our knives are still in hiding. I had to make a PB&J with a spoon the other night.😁 My thought when I saw the apple pic was “at least apples smell nice”. It’s funny what we learn to shrug off.
    💌

    Reply

    1. And adapt! Look at you spoony! Our knives came back in the house in the past two years. Really can’t believe I lived without them for so long. I laughed though, you’re right. We just roll with it! 🙂

      Reply

  4. Try again. WP is eating comments today. New stuff is overrated anyway. And when Declan is President that Laptop will be worth a fortune with his art work. It’s your pension right there. This stuff happens when two out of synch worlds collide. I think your approach is absolutely perfect. Top work.

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much! You’re right. And I’m not the fancy type – I would like to replace something and not have to replace it again though. In the meantime, we buy cheap until we can get something good. Haha, that is great. I keep telling Declan our house will be famous one day. That people are going to come drive to it to see “Where that famous Declan Coupe grew up.” He loves it. And I’ll have to keep the Laptop for the same reason 🙂

      Reply

  5. Oh, the book we could write! Magic erasers are one of my best friends. There was the sharpie marker on the door, the broken dining room table, the Eucerin cream all over the stuffed animal… It is amazing what can happen in a quick trip to the bathroom! I love reading your posts — they are so relatable!

    Reply

    1. Oh my gosh, you’re the best! I have tried nail polish remover, goo be gone and some good old fashioned elbow grease trying to get that sharpie out. I read your comment, grabbed a magic eraser and BOOM! Now it just looks a little stained but the picture is out (at least until a little person goes a-drawin again 🙂 ) Thank you so much for the tip and the compliment! I really enjoy reading your posts too for the same reason 🙂

      Reply

  6. Oh Robin…..thank you for sharing your reality, complete with pictures. I can totally relate to the “huh, sorry” response…my kiddo’s response is “what? Oh. Sorry.” Sigh…she has drawn on the beams in our garage, and one day I came out side to find that she had colored the pavers that usually support our grill. My first response was surprise, anger, and then I stepped back, looked at it and agreed with her that colored pavers looked really cool. As she says “it gives it a little something” (extra). I then joined her and we painted all of the pavers in the backyard that surround the garden. I feel like most parents with kids and pets could say the same mantra of this is why we can’t have nice things….but your situation is unique…I think overall though that I rather have my daughter in my life, with her ‘something extra’ approach, besides nice things…and when I see narwhals in sharpie on our garage walls, I’m grateful, in a bizarre way, that only another parent of a kiddo with special needs would be.

    Reply

    1. That is the best way to put it – I would totally chose having Declan in my life rather have ‘something extra’ than nice things. I love that! Spot on!

      Reply

      1. Yup. Although it doesn’t mean that I don’t lust over nice things! I do, but each item goes through my “will it stand up to Sofi and Sammy” and after that, would I still want it? For example, my mother “gifted us” with a small trampoline. We don’t have much space. We were just starting to get used to it and it was helping with Sof’s sensory diet, but then Sammy, our standard poodle got involved and unraveled the vinyl lining around the springs…sigh. Oh well, now she just focuses on our $2k leather couch set from Macy’s. It already has melted Arron’s putty integrated within the leather. Perfect. :). Then I have a gratitude moment that we have a house, a couch, a daughter and a dog. Best.couch.ever.

        Reply

    1. Oh wow, I can relate. Declan has become so enraged with a video game, or really LOSING at a video game that he has attacked and cracked the screens of two large screen TV’s. Both had to be replaced. We ended up just getting rid of the video games. And the weird part is – yes I was upset about the TV but I spent more energy just trying to calm Declan down he was so upset! It’s really sad to see them like that.

      Reply

  8. When our daughter was about 5 she took three crayons and walked up the stairs in our house, up all three floors, and drew on all the walls on the way up. I explained this was not a fan of this new decoration and sent her with a sponge and some cleaner and she had to wash it all off. Luckily it did come off. Your patience with Declan is wonderful. I think there is a day in the future when you will have nice furniture.

    Reply

    1. Oh boy! I remember once, my oldest, decided to cut holes in the screen out his window. No purpose – was just enjoying some screen cutting (?) Kids! 🙂 Thanks Anne!

      Reply

    1. Declan is a chewer too – although lately he just EATS to keep his mouth busy. I have chewy tubes around here somewhere, and they help keep his jaw busy (without eating anything he isn’t supposed to or food). I need to pull them out!

      Reply

  10. Sorry about your things, but this made me smile because I’m a Swifty and that’s a catchy tune.
    ‘Haha I can’t even say it with a straight face!’

    Reply
  12. Pingback: Doubly Inspired – King Ben's Grandma

Leave a Reply