“This isn’t where the table goes.”

Hundreds of kids dressed last night in their costumes for our elementary school’s Halloween Party.

The kids ran with smiles on their faces to each new friend they discovered under makeup, masks and hats.  Once friends found each other they collected in groups and ran around the school to see all the fun activities to play.

Although there have been eight Halloween Parties we could have attended for my kid’s time at the school so far, we have only attended three.  Once when Bobby was in Kindergarten and Catelyn and Declan were babies.  And through all their different obstacles and needs, we did not return to the party until last year.

Declan woke up yesterday morning full of excitement for the evening activities.  He went to school and as soon as he came home, he went and put on “old faithful.”

His adored Spiderman costume.

Once dressed, Declan went through our yard to take care of imaginary villains.  He shot webs at trees and pretended to fly through the sky.

And he came in every fifteen minutes to ask if it was time to leave for the party.

Eventually, it was.

Like the rest of the kids, he ran to familiar faces, laughing, to see the costumes.  Then he trailed the costumes he enjoyed, whether he knew the person or not.

Then he looked to the room.

“This isn’t where the table goes.”

He looked around the cafeteria with an upset look.

“This isn’t how it is supposed to look.”

The room was different from last year.  And he picked up on it right away.

Declan was no longer looking at his peers and their costumes.  The people vanished.  He became focused on the party and finding the missing pieces.

As we traveled through the school to find his favorite activities from last year, they weren’t there.  The games he played to earn favored candy, were gone.

There was a room for dancing – but it was too loud.

There were jars of candy corn to count and win a prize – but it was the candy corn Declan wanted to eat, not count.

In the art room they were making spiders – but Declan was too afraid of the sight of them.

And there was chocolate.  Tables in the “wrong” place giving out chocolate.  Declan’s least favorite candy ever.

In the end, we walked around the school for an hour and a half.  Going back and forth to the same rooms, while Declan searched high and low for the things he remembered and preferred.

But they weren’t there.  And as much as I tried to tell him it was okay and to try to focus on the things he did like – Declan was aware.  Things were different.

The Halloween party was a surprise for me.  As I sit here and write, I think “Of course!  The change would be hard for him!”

But going into it, I didn’t think the change in venue would be a problem.  We were still going to go to a Halloween party as his favorite character.  I thought one fun activity would be changed for another equally fun one.  And it was!  Just not for Declan.

The event was upsetting and confusing for Declan, but he did okay.  When he told his dad about the party later he scrunched up his face and said, “It was different.  It wasn’t fun.”

I don’t always know what changes Declan or Catelyn will be able to adapt to, or be flexible with, and which ones they won’t.

But as long as they want to keep on trying, I’ll keep on trying too!