“Stupid bus driver.”
“What happened?”
“Well, as soon as I got on the bus, I asked her if she picked who was going to be the bus safety yet. I was excited because the bus driver is SUPPOSED to pick a fifth grader that wasn’t picked to be a safety for the school. And since I wasn’t picked for school, AND I am the only fifth grader on our bus that ISN’T a school safety, I thought she would pick me.”
“Oh, right. What happened?”
“Well, I asked her if I was going to be the bus safety and she said she didn’t decide yet. So, I started walking to my seat and I hear her tell a kid that was two behind me that she picked HIM to be the bus safety. AND HE IS A SCHOOL SAFETY. It’s just not fair.”
“I’m sorry, honey. That isn’t fair. And you know what? It’s rude. I’m sorry.”
“You know what I am excited for?”
“What?”
“I am excited for this stupid year to be over. Then I am done with the same stupid bus driver, art teacher, music teacher, gym teacher, lunch lady. None of them like me. They never pick me to do anything special or fun. AND THEY ALWAYS yell at me. Even if I am not the one that is doing something wrong. I am so ready to be done with all of them and start over with NEW teachers and a NEW bus driver in sixth grade.”
I gave Catelyn a hug and she went to her room.
This conversation with the bus driver happened at the beginning of the school year. But it’s true. They don’t like her.
Well, let me clarify. It’s not that they don’t like her. I think they have been challenged by her behavior.
I did have to talk with the bus driver – from Kindergarten to third grade Catelyn had an assigned seat right behind the bus driver as she kept getting overstimulated and couldn’t stay in her seat.
Catelyn has complained the music teacher makes her stand in front, close to the teacher so she can “get yelled at quicker.”
And, by Catelyn’s report, she has had fights with the art teacher for years. When Catelyn has an artistic “vision” there is no listening to direction. I know how frustrating that is – and so does the art teacher. Although Catelyn’s projects look equivalent to her peers, apparently, she’s a “C” art student.
In short, there is a story for all of them.
But let’s be clear here – Catelyn’s not innocent. Catelyn has had a hard time:
1. Being polite and respectful to adults. If Catelyn disagreed with you, she didn’t care about age or authority – and she has a rude tone that I talked about here.
2. She’s impulsive
3. Has had a hard time regulating her emotions – trying to stop her crying in the classroom was a goal for YEARS.
4. Easily gets overstimulated and can fall into the role of the “class clown”
5. Was not liked by her peers for years and had a hard time learning how to connect with them.
A lot of these behaviors I put in past tense. They were younger Catelyn.
The pre-therapy Catelyn.
After spending so much time in therapy and learning about herself and her behavior a lot has changed.
Even though Catelyn has changed or matured in certain areas of her personality, her image at the elementary school remains. And she has had a hard time changing some others perception of her.
I am excited for Catelyn to start over next year. I hope she continues to maintain the growth she has achieved and continues to learn how her behavior can affect others who may create a concrete perception of her.
It must be awful to not fit into neatly into our world and our system. But she’s making progress and hopefully she becomes the person she wants to be not what the system wants. Take care.
Exactly 🙂 Thank you so much!
Yes, some teachers get conditioned by a student’s behavior and develop an unfair knee jerk reaction that never goes away. Unfortunately in our small rural school district, the band teacher sticks with the middle school students through the end of high school. I can’t imagine how Eli and his teacher are goi g to make four more years. Glad Cate gets to start over.
Oh my goodness – I don’t think Cate would still play an instrument. Granted she never had a passion for an instrument – she tried the viola for a year and the drums for a year and that was that. But if she enjoyed it I don’t know what she would do. That’s tough!
There are definitely some teachers who don’t like some students! My older daughter’s freshman English teacher didn’t like her. She brought home bad grade after bad grade on papers and her answer was that he was a jerk. Then she brought home a test with the grade “F+”. I was flabbergasted! What did that even mean, she failed, but really well? We had a meeting with the teacher, knowing my daughter is mouthy and rude at times and the tearcher hmmm’d & ahhh’d and her grades went up to B’s & C+’s…more indicative of the work she was doing (which could’ve been more).
Are you & Cait going to meet with her new teachers and discuss her autism before the new year? Some teachers can still be jerks but I think most will be willing to work with her if they see that she’s working on her part.
Middle school years are so tough! All the hormone changes and the cliques of mean girls…Cait doesn’t need rude school employees on top of all that.💌💌
The F+ really is a jerk move – how are you supposed to take that?
I’m going to have to talk with someone so she gets some kind of support – even if it that she is placed with more supportive teachers and maybe a friend. out sixth grade is so weird – it’s BIG and separate from the middle school. It is so easy to get lost in the mix which would be bad for her. And even though she doesn’t cry anymore when she gets overwhelmed she still has a hard time using the right words to describe what is wrong. She’ll need some kind of help for sure before she gets labeled the wrong way again.
Growing up and finding our place in the world and within the community is hard at the best of times, so it must be doubly hard for those on the spectrum. And people making unwavering judgements don’t help. Autistic people grow and change too, and people need to adjust their opinions accordingly. But it sounds as though Catelyn is doing well and making good strides in the right direction, and I’m sure starting over will give her the breathing space she needs. 🙂
Thank you so much! I hope so – fingers crossed! 🙂
The benefit of being a military brat is the ability to reinvent yourself whenever you move. Staying in the same place has a lot of benefits; but, you are right that people will have an impression of you and keep it for years…
I wasn’t a military brat but we did move a lot. And I agree – I didn’t always mind the change of people scenery.
Great writings .
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Best wishes.
It sounds like she feels ready for a fresh start. Hopefully that will be good for her own attitude and feelings toward school. New teachers is another plus. And since the 6th grade is alone, she gets another new beginning in a year. Hoping your advocacy will pay off in getting her the right teachers and some friends in her classes.
Thank you so much, Debbie! My fingers are really crossed for her and hopefully I can help her settle in.
Been there. Outrunning a reputation is hard and one no child should have to. Funny huh – how adults get away with all kinds of behaviour but kids, who are still learning and trying, despite so many obstacles in their path, get penalized so easily and quickly…with very few ways to reverse it?
Wish her a way better set of years ahead. Wish you guys very well from here.
Thank you so much!
Great post ♥️👌
Thank you!
Welcome 😊