“Hi, my name is Declan. What’s yours?”
“Hi, my name is Declan. What’s yours?”
We had returned to an old favorite of Declan’s: The playground.
I had to give it to him. He was trying super hard to make a friend. He just wasn’t getting any bites.
“Hi, my name is Declan. What’s yours?”
“Jessica.”
Finally! Someone to play with.
Declan and Jessica played on the ropes, the slides, the spinners. And then Declan had an idea for a new game.
He grabbed his plastic toy rifle from the bench. The toy rifle that came with his end of vacation week reward – a cowboy kit. On this day however, the spurs, the badge and the handcuffs remained at home. The rifle made it to the playground.
“So, this is a TRANQUILIZER gun. We’ll play tag and I will SHOOT YOU with this. It won’t kill you; it will just make you fall asleep.”
The kids started running, and after a minute Declan caught up with Jessica. He placed the rifle on the back of her neck and yelled, “Bang! Bang! I got you! You’re asleep now!”
Jessica sat and pretended to fall asleep.
“Jessica!” A mom yelled as she shot up in the air near the area I was sitting, “It is time to go!”
Jessica stood, waved goodbye and left the playground with her mother.
Declan looked to the ground and spun his sandal through the mulch.
“Do you want me to spin you on the spinner?” I asked Declan as I walked over to him.
Declan gripped the spinner and turned his head towards me. I smiled, and as I began pushing the spinner I said, “I am sorry your friend left. One thing you must remember is that some Mommy’s and Daddy’s don’t let their kids play with toy guns. Even if the toy gun is a tranquilizer gun. Or a taser, laser, dart, bee bee gun. They just make some parents unhappy. Why don’t you put the gun away for now and see if you can find another friend to play with?”
Declan looked upset at the notion but agreed. After a few fun spins he jumped off, looked around the playground and set off again.
“Hi, my name is Declan. What’s yours?”
“Nate.”
And Declan and Nate set off for some fun.
After ten minutes Declan picked up his toy gun.
“MOM, IT’S OKAY FOR ME TO PLAY TOY GUNS WITH NATE! I ASKED AND HIS MOMMY ALLOWS HIM TO PLAY WITH THEM!”
Everyone in a fifty-foot radius now knew that Nate can play with toy guns. And as Declan ran off, I saw Nate make a toy gun with his fingers and heard him yell, “Go ahead, try and take a shot. You won’t get ME!”
And off they played.
Could playing with toy guns lead to later acts of gun violence?
I don’t know.
But at the playground I was reminded that, as parents, we make different decisions around kids.
Toy guns. SpongeBob. Fortnite. When to let your children watch certain movies. There is a whole list of things we have decided that we do or don’t want around our children.
To each their own. I’d like to think we are all trying to do our best for our kids.
I also don’t know if the toy gun was why Jessica’s mom took Jessica from the playground. Maybe they really did have to leave? Maybe they didn’t.
Regardless, it was worth talking about with Declan. We do allow Declan toy guns – with rules. No shooting someone in the head. It is never a gun to kill but it can be a tranquilizer gun, etc.
And now he knows to always ask a friend first before taking his out to play.
The hardest thing Declan had to do that day was transition from the playground when it was time to leave. He had such success engaging play. And now, he knows there’s a friend out there whose parents let play with toy guns.
And he’s excited to play with him again!
Ben has a bazillion toy guns. He like the berg guns the best because they actually *shoot* something out. We also have rules…only at targets! Not Grandma, not Mama, not the dog. It’s hard for kids in general (harder for autistic kiddos if they have trouble with communication) to understand that the stuff on tv, movies, video games isn’t real. Gun violence is real and really scary. I can understand why some parents would want to stay away from that kind of play. I personally think it’s better to talk about everything.
I agree – we chose to let our kids play with toy guns with some rules and some discussion. Because if we said no to buying them, they could still easily pretend a stick is a toy gun or use their fingers and wouldn’t HAVE that discussion because you are right. Gun violence is real and really scary.
P.S. Love the new picture!! 🙂
Thanks😘 it was taken a while ago to show off the pens I won in one of Rory’s contests.
My kids always had toy guns. I also taught them about real guns early on by letting them be around me shooting real guns. There is something about hearing the blast, seeing what they can do and understanding the power of the tool that they are. It helped them grasp that toys are toys and real is real. They had a healthy fear of real guns early on because they understood what they could do as a tool, and as adults have a healthy respect for them. But as you say, to each his own of what they think is best for their kids. In fact, what’s right for one kid may be wrong for another, even in the same family. Every parent has a way that works best for them.
By the way, my boys also played with baseball bats and would beat the living snot out of each other with lightweight foam noodle bats that made a popping sound, but they never ever took a chance when playing baseball with real bats. Love the post, Robyn!
You’re right, Jeff – there are definitely things in this house that one is allowed to do and not the other. My oldest is banned from Fortnite the video game, but the other two can play it anytime they want. Good point and analogy! Thanks Jeff!
I think you are spot on with this again. Yes but with rules. Sons never really played with guns with the exception of Nerf ones. I don’t hide the bad stuff in the world guns create. It’s part of the education process.
That’s true! I thought about that – playing or not playing with toy guns is not going to change what is so prevalent in the world, on TV or in the movies. There’s no hiding from them – it’s part of learning about them. Thank you!
This is such a complicated issue for me. My brothers and I grew up playing with toy guns/nerf guns what have you and we knew they were just toys. It’s funny how my views have changed now that I have my own kids. I think I would be more willing to let my kids play with them if I wasn’t so concerned with other parents and that they may not like their children playing with them, so I just choose not to have them/buy them as toys.
When we are at the park it never fails for my kids to pick up sticks and pretend they are guns and to shoot each other, but I know they are just being kids having fun.
I think another factor is I don’t want my kids playing with toy guns and then grabbing a real one (if they should ever be somewhere one is present) and not realize that it’s not a toy. They are not quite old enough to grasp the concept that guns can kill people and we have not yet navigated that conversation.
Yes, I agree. When I first wrote this post it was close to 800 words so I had to pare it down. In the process I took out that I was upset that he brought the toy gun as I didn’t want to upset any other parents choice in the matter. And I didn’t know if Declan would understand if I told him to put the toy down.
Same – I had concerns about toy vs real if Declan should ever come across one. If he were ever to go to someone’s house to play I would definitely check to see if they had one in the house. I have asked others before when my older two were younger (even though they didn’t really play with guns). Thankfully, guns are not that common in our area. It’s tough!
Fewer kids have been playing with toy guns than ever and gun violence stays pretty much the same. My kids never played with them because pretend play for them was Dungeons & Dragons. Yes, I’m a nerd-dad who raised nerd-boys…
My older two never played with them either. I didn’t say no, they just weren’t interested. Declan’s play has always been to dress up and become a character – this gun came from his cowboy kit where he could become sheriff. I bet he would like Dungeons and Dragons. You go, nerd-dad!
This is a tangled issue, indeed, Robyn, and one I’ve grappled with a lot in the past. Not because Nathan wants one – he doesn’t – his ‘thing’ is Nintendo DS’s and other electronic devices – luckily seemingly without gun games so far. But it does raise so many questions. The kids outside our house often used to run around firing nerf guns and you can’t help but wonder if it’s a good thing or not. To be honest, I’m still undecided on the whole, but I think you’ve hit on exactly the right approach – play with them – with rules. If there’s an answer, that’s it. 🙂
Thanks, Alli! I agree – this was an issue that was new to me with Declan. My other two never wanted to play with them either. But Declan’s play has always been to dress up and become a character. He got the gun from a cowboy kit where he could be sheriff. And it still made me nervous. This wasn’t his first though, and I realized that if I was going to be comfortable with it there had to be rules. At home he is not allowed to shoot us. But when he is playing with peers I think it is the nature of the game to shoot each other. It is so questionable and I respect any parents choice on the matter, either way.
I see. I guess if it’s his thing, then you’d have to find a way through the dilemma, but it seems to me that you’ve got the balance just right. A very sensible approach. 🙂
My kids have had toy guns previously just with flashing lights and whatever but unfortunately people looked at it as inappropriately and said things to my kids because we are Muslim. I decided that its not worth my kids facing the abuse around their favourite toy of the time. Now we have moved and live in a muslim countey i have on occasion got them toy guns or toy police sets but I never would buy a replica kind of toy gun but where we live no one but police have guns so anyone here wouldn’t say anything as they aren’t brainwashed into a fear mongering mentality plus its clear the kid is just playing with a toy like any other kid. I’d say video games teach violence and more likely to make a child destructive and dangerous as this has been proven anyway
Thank you for sharing!
We have rules like No shooting anyone not holding a gun and playing the gun game, and No shooting heads. With four boys, there’s a lot of pretend shooting.
Yes, I think it would be hard to completely ban them. The rules help a lot!
Not been able to catch up on your posts with the lads! Very thought provoking topic this one. Such a deep…deep…and varied area physiologically…I suppose…isn’t it?
So many different factors to take in. I really like how you’ve put this together. Feel like I was there with you in the playground as I was reading it!
So human as always. I find your posts even more fascinating after actually spending all that time with the kids.
The dedication you have to not only your children…but to actually being prepared to question your actions…beliefs…is something I respect…more than I could ever convey in this brief response.
Something very few parents will ever have the ability to do!
Stay you Robyn you absolute legend!
That is so kind! Thank you so much, Lee!