Understanding ALL the Challenges

“There are times that I am seeing him get frustrated or upset with his classwork, so I will go over to him and offer help, which sometimes he’ll accept or ask to take a break.  Or, like the other day he told me, “No thank you.  But thank you for asking” when I offered him some support.  It was the cutest thing!” Declan’s teacher related with a smile at the parent teacher conference.

“He really does have the best manners,” I said and then pointed out, “I think it is because he has been in social skills training since he was two.  Those skills don’t come naturally to him, but he has been taught what to say.  He’s, by far, my most polite child.”

“He is so polite,” then the teacher continued, “Also with transitions.  I notice anytime we stop one activity or subject and start another he goes to the bathroom.  Every time, every day.  It’s like his way of coping with the change.  I don’t want the kids to ask me to go to the bathroom, since we have a bathroom in the classroom, I tell them to just go when they have to go.  And he will go to the bathroom for EVERY transition.  He comes out ready to participate in the next activity ahead.”

Bob and I were nodding, taking this neat little nuance in when the teacher added thoughtfully,

“I can tell, out of all the kids in this class, Declan has to work the hardest with his different challenges to get through his day here.  He’s doing such a great job.”

I left the parent teacher conference feeling relieved. 

Is Declan a straight A student? 

Gosh no.  He’s actually doing quite poorly in a couple of subjects.

Is he a model student, completing classwork, staying calm when frustrated?

Not at all.  He requires a lot of help from his 1/1 aid to stay on task, stay calm or to go take a walk and calm down.

Socially?  Does he have friends, or the bigger concern, are his classmates afraid of him from his big reactions when he gets upset?

“We have a positive only policy.  Students are only allowed to speak about one another if they’ve something positive to say.  So, they only hear nice things.  They’re very accepting of Declan, which is great, because Declan feels comfortable being himself.”

That’s awesome.

A few weeks ago, Bob and I took the kids to see Santa. 

The yearly trip to see Santa has always been a challenge.  For many years, Declan was slipped into the picture at the last second.  Placed on my lap for a quick shot, unbeknownst to Declan, that the great jolly old fellow dressed in his red suit and beard sat directly to his side.

Last year, Declan KNEW he was going to see Santa.  But the struggle to sit with Santa was too much.  A chair from the food court was borrowed and placed five feet away for a family shot.

I was prepared to have to do the food court chair shot again, but this year, Declan was adamant he didn’t want to even be that close.  For hours before the trip to see Santa Declan perseverated.  He was going to sit with Santa, then he wasn’t.  The four of us watched Declan go back and forth, offering support either way. 

The time came, annnnnnnnnnnnd……

He successfully sat NEAR the big guy 😊

Seeing the Santa picture, one would never know the struggle Declan faced to achieve this monster of a challenge for him.  The family sees it and supports Declan through his different hurdles.

At school, one may never really understand how each step of the day raises a new challenge for Declan that he must overcome.  After leaving the conference I was relieved.  Declan’s challenges are not only noticed and accepted but also he is supported by the class and teacher. 

I mean, really – What more could I ask for?